The BlogStalker

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back. Sorry I had to take a week off last week, but I’m back now. I leave for one week and all hell breaks loose: Jacko and Farrah die, Jon and Kate file for divorce, my Jersey housewives leave me for the year, and the Governor of a neighboring state goes to Argentina to have an affair. Crazy stuff, and that doesn’t even count all of the non-celebrity news. I’m guessing People Magazine has changed their upcoming cover about three times in the past week.

Since I haven’t spent a whole lot of time reading blogs recently, I’ll ramble a bit about our Cabo trip, and then talk about some blogs a little bit, okay? Cabo was fun. I learned that I’m getting a little too old for Spring Break (downtown) Cabo. All-Inclusive Resort Cabo is more my style. Although having something like this in your hotel room is just a little bit dangerous:

I also thought I’d give you guys a photo diary of a typical day of vacation. We’d start the day looking like this. Kate getting ready to go to the pool/beach and me heading to the golf course:

We’d then spend the afternoon at the swim-up bar, and I wouldn’t look quite so good. I think I’m going for a late Jim Morrison look. Like after he exposed himself on stage but before he died:

By the end of the night I’d look like this:

Stay classy, Nate.

And then we’d pretty much repeat that same process for nine days, so it has taken me some time to recover here. Before I get on with the blog review, I’d like to issue a few apologies.

Marta the drink cart driver at the Cabo San Lucas Country Club - I’m sorry I nearly hit you with my drive on the 16th hole. In my defense, just because we’re in Mexico, that doesn’ t mean you have to include vodka AND tequila in my Bloody Mary. I think just vodka would’ve been fine. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bloody mary and thought “You know what this needs? More booze.”

Ramon the bartender - I’m sorry I freaked out when you handed me my bar tab. I should’ve realized that 1800 pesos is not the same as 1800 dollars. In my defense, you are sort of the reason I was overserved and incapable of handling the currency conversion in my head.

Ceasar the guy who makes animals out of bath towels at the Riu Palace - I’m sorry that that I put Towel Swan and Towel Crab in such compromising (and unnatural) positions. That was childish and unnecessary. But then again, please refer to the in-room booze dispenser in the picture above.

I’d also like to thank Mrs. Arnold, my middle school Spanish teacher. Your decision to let us ignore the vosotros conjugation of countless verbs allowed me to focus on more important things. Like knowing that I was supposed to go to the Caballeros Bano, and not the Mujeres Bano. Kate apparently didn’t learn that in Spanish class. She knew she was in the wrong place when she saw the urinals.

Okay, enough about Cabo…time for the blog review:

Janet at Pretty Green Girl did a post about cookies here. Not that I’m going to borrow the recipe (I should probably stay away from cookies during my post-Mexico detox) but I do appreciate the video clip from Troop Beverly Hills. I think more blog posts should include random movie clips, especially those starring the great Craig T. Nelson. Top billing in a future blogstalker post to the first blogger who can naturally fit in a clip from Turner and Hooch, or the 1986 made for TV movie: The Ted Kennedy Jr. Story. I’d put in video clips, but Kate only wants me to put in videos that she has taken of Gilbert.

Speaking of Gilbert, he will soon have a new friend in Charlotte. Kelsey from Bites and Bowls recently announced in this post that her dog daughter Penny will be moving to Charlotte. Kelsey, Kate, and I have talked about it, and we’ve decided to arrange a marriage between Gilbert and Penny. We still have not worked out all of the details (picking a date, getting Matt to bake a dog cake, negotiating Penny’s dowry) but it will be THE social event of the Summer. Neither Penny or Gilbert have the bits required for procreation, but that’s okay….it will still make for good blog fodder. Check your mailbox (or my blog) for a save the date card.

Caitlin at Healthy Drogging Pancake has stated a spin-off blog, Operation Beautiful. It’s sort of like Post Secret, except that all of the notes are about having a positive body image, as opposed to sharing ones deepest, darkest secrets. Still very entertaining, and it is really taking off. HTP is getting love from big fancy newspapers with this Operation Beautiful thing. She’s sort of a big deal. Kate sometimes leaves me anonymous notes like this. Except they aren’t really anonymous, because I know she leaves them for me. And instead of saying things like “You’re beautiful just the way you are” she just cuts out coupons for $3 off of a haircut at Sport Clips and leaves it on my laptop. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Kath has apparently spent the past week creating, revising, and re-revising (not a word, I know) her list of places to move. I feel like I’m watching a friggan episode of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Carmen’s in Savannah. Wait, now Carmen’s in Jacksonville. At least they’re in the Southeast, so I’m familiar with the geography. I always used to get pissed when Carmen would be in Africa or Asia, because I knew there was no chance I could identify the various unmarked countries on the big map. I guess I should’ve been happy to have a criminal mastermind like Carmen farther away from my house, but that safety wouldn’t win me that set of encyclopedias. Okay, enough about Carmen. Kath, I can make this really easy…just stay in Charlotte. A couple of reasons why: 1. It’s awesome. 2. We live here, and we’re pretty awesome. Hopefully that settles it.

I haven’t been spending enough time reading blogs recently, so no ’stock up/stock down’ this week. If y’all want to post some stock up/stock down suggestions as comments, that would be lovely. Instead, we’ll do some Larry King-style News and Notes:

News and Notes

Congratulations to the World’s Nicest Blogger, Polly on her 15 year wedding anniverary

Congratulations also to my friends and fellow bloggers Kate and Al on their upcoming wedding bash. Looking forward to seeing you guys in Minneapolis tomorrow!

Blogapalooza sold out faster than a Taylor Swift concert. I wasn’t able to register in time. Or, I wasn’t able to convince Kate in time that a blogging conference was the best way to spend our 5 year wedding anniversary. We still might come to Boston that weekend and attend some of the extracurricular activities. Stay tuned.

Sarah at Tales of Expansion issued a french toast challenge in this post. Brandi accepted the challenge by french frying some donuts here. This is like a carny’s dream. I’m pretty sure it’s fair season, so maybe Sarah can get a guest post from the guy who deep frys twinkies or oreos or something.

RoseyRebecca is giving away some Greek Yogurt. Find out the details here

Iowa Girl Eats is giving away some stuff too. I’m a slacker and didn’t get this post up in time, but you should still check out her blog.

That’s all for this week. I’ll try to do better next time. And remember, whatever you do, Don’t stop till ya get enough.

Hi Friends. Thanks for stopping by. How was your week? Good…glad to hear it. Pretty good week here. To follow up on last week’s recap, I survived my meeting with the doctor on Wednesday. No horrible illnesses or diseases, so that’s cool. The doctor did say that he’d like to see me lose a little weight. To which I replied “yeah, me too.” I’m glad that I’m on the same page as my medical professional. See you next year, doctor. Enjoy the $25 copay.

I’m sorry to report that I won’t be posting next week. Actually, I’m not sorry at all. Kate and I are heading to Cabo for the next 10 days or so. I’ll have limited access to phone, email, and sobriety. Hmm, maybe I should put that as my out of office message. Nah…probably not. Might not have a job to come back to if I did that. Anyway, I doubt I’ll be spending a whole lot of time reading blogs in the next week or so. I’ll be back with my weekly recap on the 26th, as long as I don’t end up with Swine Flu or something.

Alright. One sort of funny story and then we’ll get to the blog review. Kate spent the last couple of evenings googling Gilbert’s dog breed (in between looking at all of your blogs, of course). Searches included: Shar Pei Rat Terrier, Rat Pei, and Shar Terrier. Then she’d find pictures of similar looking dogs, and would show them to Gilbert. Usually saying things like “Gilbert, come look at your sister.” Then she mentioned that she wanted to find Gilbert’s family so we could have a reunion. So totally joking, I recommended that she check out ancestry.com to find Gil’s relatives and then I went back to watching bad television. About ten minutes later, Kate says “I don’t think this is going to work…it’s just stuff about people and their ancestors.” Apparently she thought I was serious and had looked for Gilbert’s ancestors online. That was probably the highlight of my week. Okay, now time for the blog review.

Kelsey from Bites and Bowls has taken the top spot away from Hangry Pants, which means I got some free shiz. Kind of, but not really. Kelsey jacked one of my Smart Ones on Saturday night/Sunday morning, which you can read about in this post. To repay me, she brought over a box of Twilight-Inspired Conversation Hearts. They came in a box with the dreamy Edward Cullen on the package, and the hearts said things like “Bite Me” and “Live Forever.” They were delicious, even though it’s four months after their originally scheduled consumption date. So thanks B+B for the free shiz. In that post by Kelsey, you’ll notice that she and I sang karaoke backup to Matt last weekend on Nuthin’ But a G Thang. I volunteered to sing the Dre parts, which I thought meant I’d just say ‘hell yeah’ in a low voice over and over again. Turns out that Dre actually has a verse. Oh, and I also found out that if there’s a ‘radio friendly’ (or wal-mart friendly) version of a song, then that’s probably the version that the karaoke guy will have. I was singing the album version. So I’d like to apologize to the patrons of the Yellow Rose for my bad language, but I think I was singing the song in the way that Dre and Snoop wanted it to be sung. Except for the whole drunk white guy in a dive bar in suburban Charlotte North Carolina part. Hell yeah.

Emily at Super Caloric Chalk Dust tagged me in this post, which appears to be some kind of chain letter/post. I heart Super Caloric, but I’m not really a chain letter responder kind of guy, so I’m just going to talk about Emily and her blog and we’ll say that I’ve fulfilled my chain letter duties, okay? That way, if this is really some kind of scam, then I won’t be considered an accomplice. As far as I can tell, the only difference between a chain letter and a pyramid scheme is that nobody gets rich with a chain letter. People just end up giving personal details (like their lack of at home pants wearing) instead of ending up with mad loot.  And for this chain blog thing to take off, they should probably include some threat of dismemberment or disfigurement. Those both seem like good motivators for old school chain letters. Like send a pair of flip flops to 10 of your best friends or else you’ll get the hiv or something.  So I’m going to make my own rules instead. By being tagged, it means I should stop eating peaches, and should go on vacation and sit on the beach for a couple of weeks. Okay…sold.

Tina at Carrots ‘n’ Cake made some dong-shaped cupcakes in this post. At first I thought this was really out of character for the C ‘n’ C blogging factory. I mean she usually does nice things like pictures of parks in Boston and funny stories about Mal, and out of nowhere come these iced dongs. But then I read the post, and it turns out that it was part of a bachelorette weekend party thing. This makes sense. Bachelorette parties are one of only three scenarios where graphic depictions of man junk are socially acceptable. The others are junior high (sex ed class) and episodes of Oprah when Dr. Oz is the guest. That damn Dr. Oz is always talking about man bits. Speaking of  sex ed…did I ever tell y’all that my dad was my sex ed teacher in Jr. High? I can’t remember if that was on this blog or another blog. Anyway, this is reason #1 why I haven’t been embarrassed since 7th grade. Nothing tops that. Nothing.

Speaking of wangs, Snackface made a pretty fantastic reference to Trey MacDougal’s flaccidity in this post. I know, this post is more than a week old, but it was probably the funniest thing that I read this week, and it’s my blog, so I’m making an exception and including it in the weekly roundup. Mostly because I’m planning on stealing this line and calling anything limp ‘Trey-Like’ from now on. We’ll see if it sticks. Cut to my favorite scene from Mean Girls when Regina George says ’stop trying to make fetch happen.’ Say what you want about LiLo, but Mean Girls is one of the best movies in the history of the world. Ever. And shame on me for just now writing about Snackface…there’s no excuse for that. I mean, she has SATC references in her posts, she attends Matt Lauer’s alma mater, and she hangs out with homegirl. How did it take me 12 installments to write about her? I say again, shame on me.

Stock Up

Amazing Wheat Grass - Really? We’re drinking grass now? I’ll take healthy eating stereotypes for $200, Alex. This is like a bad commercial for a casual dining establishment. Like the family goes to the health food restaurant and everyone is drinking grass, then the dad makes a stupid face so the family goes to Flingers for some jalapeno poppers or something instead. Ugh.

Blogapalooza References - This is pretty much the social event of the summer. I’m looking forward to this almost as much as the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Healthy Twilight Pancake had a nice post about it where she asked readers which bloggers they wanted to meet. I almost signed in under random names to stuff the ballot in my favor.

Free Shiz - Not for me, but there are some contests worth mentioning. The Professional Vegan is giving away some books…Fast Food Nation and Food Inc. I didn’t know they wrote books about those movies, but you can find out the details here. In other free shiz news, Kori at All things B is giving away some of that Amazing Grass in this post. In other news, I’m going to mow my lawn on Saturday before we leave town, so I’ll be having a grass giveaway as well if you want to come over and pick up the clippings. It’ll save me some raking.

Summer haircuts - I’d like to think that this is because I got my fro cut off last week, but I doubt I’m really a trendsetter here. Post-Graduate Meghannnn and birthday girl Jenna were among the multiple bloggers who got ‘em all cut this week. Am I really talking about the hair cutting schedules of people I’ve never met before. What the hell is wrong with me? But if I meet them all at blogapalooza, it won’t be quite as creepy, right?

Stock Down

Mean Anonymous Comments - Actually there have been way too many of them recently, but I give them a big thumbs down. If you want to be a wanker and get into a comment pissing match, go to a political or news blog or something. Anonymous mean comments on food/health blogs are just dumb. Props to Fitnestestinesstia and her pilot on the way they handled this one. Critical comments are okay. Just leave your name so we can engage in a healthy dialogue. Or so I can leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep.

Gluten - I really don’t know what gluten is, but people seem to be avoiding it. I could google it and find out what it is, but  I’m a firm believer that for everything I learn, I forget another thing, and I don’t want to forget anything,  And please don’t try to educate me via comments, or else I’ll forget my 2nd grade teacher’s name.

Soy - People seem to be anti-soy this week as well. I’m alright with that, as long as it just means I should avoid faux meat (like Soy Burgers and Soy Sausage). Consider it done. But don’t make me give up my soy sauce and edamame. Can we make an exception there?

Foods that end in consonants - I’m not sure why, but there have been lots of posts about foods that end with vowels. A prime example of this is Rose’s Frittata and Scone post. That’s a double word score. Keep in mind that Pat and Vanna are going to charge you $250 apiece for those.

Alright friends. That’s all I’ve got. See you in a couple of weeks. We’ll try to do better next time.

Hey there,

How’s everyone doing? I’m okay. Thanks for asking. Just wanted to let you all know that Rebecca at Rosey Rebecca is giving away some Chobani Greek Yogurt in this post. There are some rules and stuff, so you should go check out her blog and enter if interested. I’m probably not going to enter. We’ve already got a fridge full of Chobani up in here. For some reason, Greek yogurt is the only thing that Kate buys in bulk. Everything else she buys in single servings. Even stuff that she eats every day. It makes no damn sense. I think we went to the grocery store four times in one week to buy kale. If you’re going to feed this stuff to the juice monster every morning, maybe you should buy it in larger quantities. But she doesn’t have this problem with Greek yogurt. She purchases Greek yogurt at the same rate that Jim Bob Dugger purchases Aqua Net. Nobody could eat as much Greek yogurt as Kate buys…which is more evidence that she is sneaking this stuff into my food.

While I’m at it, why did all of you healthy people have to pick yogurt as your Greek food of choice? How about jumping on the flaming cheese or baklava bandwagon with me? I’d even be alright if you choose olives, as long as they are stuffed and drowning in gin.

And while I’m still at it…how is next week the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey? Not related to this post, but I’m pretty upset about it. I was just getting to know them and now they’re leaving me. Not cool

Anyway, go enter Rebecca’s contest. Win yourself some Greek yogurt, and I’ll talk to you kids on Friday.

Hi Friends. I hope you all had a nice week. It has been a busy week here. Well, not really, but I’ve done some things that I’ve been putting off for awhile. 

1. Kate and I went and met the new neighbors down the street. They moved in about a month ago, and we wanted to go introduce ourselves for quite some time, as they looked young and childless. That said, we didn’t want to look like the creepy neighbors who are trying too hard to be friends. I’m convinced that it’s impossible to go introduce yourself to new neighbors without looking/acting like a complete jackass. Kate made brownies. I bought beer. I guess we didn’t even need to stick around to say hello…the brownies and beer probably would’ve told them what we’re all about. Anyway,they seem nice. We probably seem crazy. Check that one off the list.

2. I got a haircut. Things were getting pretty out of control. I think this might have been my first haircut since the inauguration, and that was like four months ago. You know you’re looking pretty good when the lady at the haircut place says “I’m guessing you don’t work in an office with other people, do you.” I’m not exactly sure what gave away my work from home lifestyle. I’m guessing it was either the lack of pockets, my 3:00 PM on a weekday walk-in, my urban Amish facial hair, or the Bob Ross style afro. Either way, I’m now about five pounds lighter.

3. I went to the doctor. I’m not sick or anything, but I haven’t been to the doctor for a check-up since the late 1990s. I wish I was exaggerating, but my last physical was in 1998. So this week I went in for the blood work, and then next week is my actual appointment. I’m going to feel like a pretty big chach if el doctor finds something that would’ve been way better to find like five years ago or something. So I’m going to make a deal right here. With blog as my witness, I promise I’ll go to the doctor every year or so, as long as I don’t get stuck with some horrible illness or disease at next week’s appointment. Deal? Cool.

Alright. That’s what I’ve been doing. I also watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I have been looking for a copy of Danielle’s book (Cop Without a Badge) but it’s going for $189 on Amazon. I love my housewives, but not that much.  No new inventions this week, so I’ll just get going to the blog review. 

HangryPants remains in the #1 slot this week, which means I didn’t get any free shiz this week. Anyway, Ms. Hangry is currently getting ready for her “Cleaner Life Month’ which she describes in this post. From what I understand, it has something to do with eating healthy stuff. These month long challenges are great. They seem to fly by, and then the challenge blogger talks about their progress, and I just sit back and think “what the hell did I do in the last 30 days” and it’s usually pretty depressing. I don’t think I’ll be participating, but I’ll be cheering from the sidelines (diet mountain dew in hand).  I’m going to start my own challenge. I’m not going to eat any peaches for the next month. Who’s with me? No real reason, other than the fact that I don’t like eating peaches, but there ya go. Follow me to a peach free June. In other news, Kate told me about some health food guy who said something about how you shouldn’t eat foods that weren’t around 50 years ago. I guess that sort of makes sense for things like gogurt (whatever the hell that is) and other overprocessed stuff. But I doubt the greatest generation sat around drinking vanilla almond milk either, so I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. Alright, I’m rambling now. Next blog…  

Brooke at Homegirl Can Eat wrote a great post about a perverted teacher in this post. If you aren’t reading this blog yet, you really, really should. It’s probably one of the best written blogs out there, even though I don’t understand half the shit that homegirl is talking about (mostly because I’m old). Whenever I go to the mall and start hating ‘those damn teens’ I just think of Homegirl and her good writing, and it makes me not hate the kids as much as I did before. I do often wonder if homegirl’s principal or teachers are aware of the blog and how they feel about it, but I’m sure she has that under control.I’ve noticed that homegirl commentors like to comment using homegirl-speak. That is, they adjust their language and slang to match that of the blog they are reading. I always want to comment on her posts, but I refrain for two reasons:

1. Kate is convinced I’d come off as a creepy old man
2. I’d write something like “Great post, I love how you did XYZ” which would really stand out amongst the comments like “Yay for graduation again! You and mama cynth look gorgey-poo! ” and other comments in Homegirl-speak. So I just lurk instead.

Fortunately the same thing hasn’t caught on here on The Blogstalker, otherwise y’all would comment using my backcountry gibberish and we’d all be a little dumber. So the moral of the story is, read Homegirl’s blog. 

Alli of Green Dog Wine had a busy week. Her blog found a new home (the URL that I used), got a new logo, and it was also her husband’s birthday and she devoted this post to her husband. As I mentioned last week, I’m a big fan of photo trips down memory lane in blogland. Sure, pictures of food are great, but I would much rather look at pictures of people doing funny things. Think of it this way, I wouldn’t go watch a movie about a bowl of oatmeal, but there’s a good chance that I’d go see a romantic comedy involving a man with a mohawk singing karaoke or lifting his wife over her head. So I vote for more personal pictures in blogland. Except on my blog. Because I’m lazy and our camera is pretty lame. But everyone else…please include more pictures. And if they can be photo slide shows with sappy music, that would win you bonus points. Now get to work! Also, I’ve been reading this blog for quite some time and didn’t really know where the name came from. I had some good theories going on in my head, but never thought to look at the ‘about me’ page, which pretty much explains it. I liked my theories better. 

Postgraduate Meghannnn did a recap of the San Diego Marathon in this post. Congrats to Meghannnn and everyone else who completed some sort of distance race this weekend. We were also happy to see that the easter bunny made the trip to San Diego. What really blows my mind is that people are videotaping and twittering while running a damn marathon. I’ve run my share of marathons, but have never videotaped or used any other type of technology during the process. After mile 13, I don’t think that I’d have a single thing to say that would be family friendly - I guess you could call it exercise-induced Tourettes. Also, I think I sweat too much to carry something electronic while running. I’ll just stick to the pictures that the race people take to document how miserable I was feeling during the race. Or I can just think really hard and remember it. 

Stock Up

Graduation - I’m happy for all of the graduating bloggers, I just hope that they keep blogging. See previous post re: not a big fan of change in my blogs.

House/Apartment/Room Tours - There was basically a full episode of Cribs this week. Unfortunately, none of the video tours included classic Cribs cliches like “this is where the magic happens.” I think at least one blogger should have used that line when showing off their kitchen or something.

Detailed Exercise Recaps - Including, but not limited to: calories burned, distance traveled (down to the hundredth or a mile), music listened to, energy foods and drinks consumed, etc. I think you’re burning off calories just doing the exercise recap.

Puffins (the cereal, not the bird) - Always a fan favorite among bloggers, but really growing in popularity in recent weeks. I just can’t eat this stuff. I once saw Puffin on a menu in Iceland, and it wasn’t the cereal. So now I can’t eat the cereal without thinking about people eating the cute little bird, so there’s my excuse. 

Stock Down

Flip Phones - The entire blog world seemed to get on iPhone or Blackberry bandwagon in the last week or two. Still waiting for someone to bring back the Zach Morris brick phone as a retro smart phone

Bagels - Not sure if this is because of the high caloric content, or the fact that it’s national donut day. Mentions to donut day should probably be stock up.

Alltel’s Commercials - Chad (the Alltel guy) is kinda hot and nice enough, but those other jackasses are really pissing me off. Sorry for the bad language, but I’m passionate about this one. Their last two commercials have butchered some pretty funny bits by Chris Farley and Willy Wonka. Sorry…this has nothing to do with blogs or bloggers, but I really really dislike these commercials, especially the Sprint guy.

Drogging - Drogging (drunk blogging) references are still stock up (thanks to Caitlin Pancake), but actual drunk blogging hasn’t been happening as much (as far as I can tell). I would like this to be stock up this weekend - especially for the Charlotte bloggers who are going to dive bar karaoke with me tomorrow night. You know who you are. 

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading, and I’ll try to do better next time.