The BlogStalker

Hi Friends,

Sorry that I’ve been slacking lately. I don’t really remember why I didn’t blog last Friday. I’m sure I had an excellent excuse at some point, but I can’t think of it right now. I feel like I’ve already paid the price for taking the week off, as I was assaulted on Twitter yesterday by my blogger friends. So sorry about that. I should be able to stick with my one post/week schedule in the future. I’m going to be traveling for work for the next month or so, and that will give me plenty of blogging time. There’s only so much hotel HBO that I can watch in the downtime. Who knows, I might even have time to update my other blog at some point.

So Kate and I went to see Food Inc. a couple of weeks ago. In other news, I haven’t eaten meat in the past 2 weeks. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m a vegetarian now. Especially since I don’t really eat vegetables. I’m sure I’ll go back to eating good meat at some point, but will make informed decisions when I do. It wasn’t really a conscious thing to not eat meat…for the past two weeks, every time I’ve seen meat I’ve sort of thrown up in my mouth a little bit. It  reminds me of undergrad when you’d have a rough Friday/Saturday night that ends with a  conversation with a toilet and a spinning bedroom ceiling.  And then wake up the next morning and see the almost empty bottle on the coffee table and the thought of drinking again makes your stomach hurt. So that’s me and meat right now. Not eating meat has led to some interesting meal decisions, especially since I don’t really like vegetables. Lots of brinner. I think I became the first person in company history to expense a dinner at Waffle House. I’m classy like that.

A little more on Food Inc. It has moved into my list of “Top 5 Really Good Movies that I didn’t enjoy watching at all” which is sometimes referred to as the Schindler’s List List. Not really the feel good buddy pic of the Summer, but worth seeing fo sho. I like lists like this. There’s also the “Songs that should not be played at a strip club” list (I think Tears in Heaven is at the top of that one). There’s also the list of bands/musicians whose music I really like and whose fans I really hate. Oh, and Kate came up with an awesome new list game - scan the gate area before boarding a plane and rank the people that you don’t want to sit next to on the upcoming flight.  Although I have an uncanny ability of ending up next to the person who I ranked in the #1 spot. Eating fried chicken in the middle seat is not okay.

Alright. Just about time for the blog review. No free shiz this week, so the #1 spot is up for grabs. I received some constructive criticism last time I blogged. Leah noted that I talk about the same 5-10 blogs all the time and suggested that I talk about at least one new blog every post. I think that’s a good idea. So I’ll write about Leah’s blog in the #1 spot and then talk about everyone who gave me shit on Twitter yesterday for not blogging. And I’ll try to pick one newbie every week. Thank you Leah…here’s your request, and dedication.

Leah from Leftovers for Lunch made some oatmeal in this post. Fun thing about this blog…if you look at it in Google Chrome or Firefox, the pictures are huge, stretchy, and sort of trippy. It kind of looks like the Black Hole Sun video. There’s my token 90s reference for this post. It looks like Leah had all of the requisite Oatmeal toppings at her disposal. I flew home last night and didn’t remember that I was out of my essential oatmeal toppings (butterscotch chips and heath toffee bits o’ crackle). Between my lack of oatmeal toppings, Hoda being on vacation, and Suze Orman yelling at me on The Today Show, it has been a rough morning. Hopefully it’ll be a good episode of Days of Our Lives today to turn my day around. Only time will tell.

Caitlin Pancake was the first person to yell at me on Twitter last night, so she gets the second spot on this week’s round-up. Caitlin mentioned in this post that she’s working on the final draft of a book proposal and sending it to her agent. I swear…all of these bloggers make me feel like a complete slacker. Book deal? Agent? I can’t even get a post up on a weekly basis. Not to mention my other blog, which I have completely neglected. I guess I could just print out one of my posts and take it to Kinko’s for them to put one of those little spiral spines on it. My posts are long enough that one could be considered a book. But then I’d need to find an agent. Maybe Gilbert is available. Speaking of Gilbert….HTP ended her post by claiming that Maggie is the cutest dog in the world. Maggie is a good looking bitch, but I’m partial to Gilbert, and his future wife, Penny. Please chime in on who you think is the cutest dog. Even if you don’t vote for Gilbert, at least I’ll end up with a bunch of comments and feel popular.

Lobster Rose was the second person to send out a Twitter amber alert yesterday about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Rose played with her food in this post and this post. She is quite the food artist. Not only does her oatmeal cat really look like a cat, but it also relates to the rest of the post (how she found a stray cat, etc). I like to play with my food, but never get more creative then the classic raisin smily face. Usually by the time I make it to the freezer to get my red box of lunch, I’m ready to eat. I often make my smart ones decision based on the estimated cooking time. If the three cheese baked ziti takes four minutes, I’ll likely choose the cheese pizza that only takes three and a half minutes. It’s also super annoying when the meals require removal of the plastic film, then stirring, then more cooking. It’s not like I’m Ina Garten or something…I don’t have time for this additional stirring and plastic film replacement. But Rose does some incredible work with her food art.

The Daily Balance was the next twitterer to ask about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Hmm, looks like it’s one of those blogs where the blogger doesn’t reveal her first name. So I guess I’ll have to make one up. Hmm, let’s go with Six. No real reason, except that she was my favorite character on Blossom. So Six at The Daily Balance does a fashion recap on Fridays where people send in pictures of what they are wearing. I think I should submit a picture of what I’m wearing. Today we’ve got:

Navy Blue T-Shirt: Purchased at 2004 Memphis in May BBQ Festival
Blue Mesh Shorts: Purchased at Nike Outlet Store in 2002
Flip Flops - Purchased in 2006. Haven’t been able to find any size 15s since.
Handbag: Plastic bag from Harris Teeter - used for cleaning up after Gilbert on his daily walk.

I’m sort of a fashion icon. And the songbird of my generation.

Whit at Whit’s Getting Fit also thought that the blogstalker was dead, so she gets the next spot. I think she could send this tomato to the coney island freak show. I think it’s a tomato. It sort of looks like a tomato that is preggers with a chili pepper baby on board. I’m starting to think that there’s something in the water here in Charlotte. The lead story on our local news was about a five-legged puppy. There is currently a custody battle going on between an animal lover and the coney island freak show guy. I think I’ll use our water filter from now on, just to be safe. And yes, this is really the top story on the Charlotte news. A couple of weeks ago they led with the shocking investigative report that showed that a pawn shop owner was selling stolen merchandise. No shit? That’s news? Haven’t these people ever watched Law and Order before? The dead person’s stolen stuff always ends up at a pawn shop.

Last to ask about my whereabouts was AliJag at Green Dog Wine. Don’t make the mistake that I made. Green Dog Wine is not the name of a winery, so you’re wasting your time if you scan the aisles at Trader Joes looking for a bottle of the  Green Dog Wine 2005 Pinot. It doesn’t exist. She just likes green things, dogs, and wine. Ali had some of the funniest blog pictures in this post. Nobody has ever put a baby on my desk. If they did, I think I would spend my time trying to train him to say the things that the baby says on the E*Trade commercials. Hmm, maybe that’s why nobody asks me to babysit. I usually don’t like commercials or shows with talking babies or dogs, but this one is an exception.

Stock Up

Stray Cats - The annoying animals, not the rockabilly band fronted by Brian Setzer.

Blueberries - They are so hot right now. They have taken over the #1 fruit spot from cherries.

Dark Chocolate - Yes please.

BlogHer Attendance - I didn’t get an invite this year. Boo on that. Maybe there will be a BlogHim sometime. A boy can dream.

Sliced Bread - Take that, sandwich thins, pita pockets, and tortillas. Don’t call it a comeback.

Stock Down

Lunchables - Do they still make these? I doubt they ever expire, so they have to have some somewhere.

End of Summer - I’m not quite ready for it yet, so please refrain from saying things like “I can’t believe Summer is almost over” and I’ll just act like it’s not happening.

Martha Stewart - It’s been re-runs for like 6 weeks. Can we get some new episodes, please?

Alright. That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll try to do better next week.

Hi Friends,

Welcome back. Seems like we just talked. Now I’m back on track, so hopefully I can stick to my rigorous 1 post/week schedule. We’ll see how that goes. Hmm…trying to think of interesting things that have happened since my last post. Oh, here’s one…

Kelsey of Bites and Bowls fame is moving to a new place. She’s out of town and needed someone to help move some possessions (couch, bed, etc). This is right in my wheelhouse, as two of my greatest skills are lifting heavy things and reaching tall things, so I was more than happy to help her out. Problem is that her possessions > Size of my SUV. So this meant renting a truck. No big deal…figured I’d get the little truck and it would be fine. Turns out that they don’t rent the little trucks for in-town moves. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how that could make any sense at all. Still working on it. Anyway, I got to drive the big 16 foot yellow truck through Uptown Charlotte. During the lunch hour. When most of the roads that I needed to drive on were under construction. Or closed. Or were one way streets with the cars going in the opposite direction. Now I consider myself a pretty good driver. No accidents or speeding tickets in 13 years of driving. But I never did figure out if there’s a way to make a right turn in the big yellow truck without taking out the curb or the people that are standing on it. So I have a new-found respect for real truck drivers, and I’ll probably stop pumping my fist when I pass them (trying to get them to honk) as they have more important things to focus on, and most people grow out of that when they turn 10. Oh, and the moving was totally worth it, as Kelsey had left beer and barney butter for met at her new place. And she gave me some Great Harvest blondies that Matt made. I must say that they were every bit as good as a VeggieGirl blondie. Actually, I can’t say that, because I still haven’t tried these VG Blondies (hint) that everyone else speaks of, but these were good blondies.

In other news, Kate picked up this new shampoo at the store. She wanted me to mention that it was free with a rebate.

Sorry for the poor photo quality. If you can’t read that, it says it includes coconut milk and egg white proteins. It just so happens that I was making brinner last night and was short 1 egg from making the ideal omelette. The thought crossed my mind to supplement my eggs with some of this shampoo. I mean, it says it includes egg whites and milk, which is what I was looking for. I decided that the shampoo might include other ingredients as well, so I did not make a shampoo omelette. I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind at a future brinner.

Hmm…trying to think if anything else exciting happened this week. I think I only left the house by car one other time since the last time I blogged, so I got nothin. Guess I’ll get going with the blog review.

Jenn from Eating Bender is in Maui with Ma Bender and she’s even blogging from vacationland. This shows true dedication to the blog, something that I clearly don’t have. Now I’ve actually been pretty anti-Hawaii when people suggest it as a potential vacation spot. That’s probably an understatement. I react to the Hawaii suggestion the same way that Kate reacts when someone mentions Angelina Jolie. I don’t know what it is, but I have no urge to go to Hawaii. It’s mostly because when I hear my coworkers or friends talk about their trips to Hawaii, it seems like there’s some kind of vacation checklist - like a list of 5-7 touristy things that every mainland tourist does when they go to Hawaii. It usually goes something like “volcano, blah blah blah, luau, blah blah pig and hula dancers and fire, blah blah seven sacred somethings, blah blah oh and the pineapple at the hotel blah blah.” I’m sure there are thousands of fun things to do in Hawaii, but it seems like everyone does the same five things. So my anti-Hawaii feelings are driven by either this tourist checklist theory, or some fear that I’ll end up like one of the Real World Hawaii cast members. Either a trainwreck like Ruthie or a completely unwatchable assbag like Colin/Amaya. But then Bender did her first vacation post and I thought “hmm, Hawaii looks nice” so maybe I’m getting over it. I think it was the pizza. Anyway, thanks for changing my thoughts on this Bender.

Mark Hangry (from Hangry and Hangry, LLC) is giving away a cookbook in this post. I’m not a really big cookbook reader. For me, it’s sort of like the owner’s manual in my car. I can read through it and look at the pictures, but at the end of the day, I’ll probably just outsource the actual work. I read enough to know that I’m not capable of doing what needs to be done. But this looks like an interesting cookbook. Mr. Hangry mentions that there is a toilet paper icon next to recipes that make you go. I think restaurant menus should offer the same thing. Mark Hangry also came up with a creative entry process for joining his contest. None of this add me to your blogroll nonsense for the Hangrys. No, you have to come up with a poem about the blogger to enter. I’m a big fan of creative contest requirements like this. Links and tweets are not the only currency that we can use for contests, blogland. So please take Mr. Hangry’s lead and come up with creative rules and regs for your free shiz giveaways.

Everyone’s favorite Homegirl had a nice post about babysitting. It was one of those posts that makes you want to be a little kid again. I want to sit in a wagon and eat ice cream while someone pulls me to the park. Although that would be pretty strange at my current age and size.  She mentioned that one of the kids was going to Circus Camp, which sent me into flashback mode. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but I spent the majority of my childhood as a circus performer. You can get all of the details of my circus life in this post. I have hung up my sequins and spandex (to the delight of anyone who has their sight), but I will occasionally still juggle. Like after a few drinks at Universal Studios CityWalk when I want to show up a clown with my skills. I never miss an opportunity to show up a clown. That’s not slang…I mean a guy wearing face paint and making animal balloons. I hate clowns.

Rose from On a Lobster Placemat (my favorite blog name ever) did something interesting at the end of this post. She asked for male readers to de-lurk and introduce themselves. I proudly followed her orders and identified myself. I think men are an underrepresented group in food blog land. My working theory is that readership skews about 90/10 female. I have absolutely nothing to base this on. The only guys that comment on my blog are related to me, friends of mine, or other bloggers that I write about. So I’ll steal Rose’s idea. Male blogstalker readers, please identify yourself. Female readers, do the same thing. This way I’ll end up with lots of comments, and it’ll make this blog look popular.

In other news, I have grown increasingly jealous of Jenna from Eat, Live, Run for landing an interview for the coolest job in the world. You can read about it in this post. From what I gather, a winery in Napa is interviewing Jenna and some other people (who I’m also jealous of) for a job where they use their social media influence to promote the winery. It involves hanging out in Napa and getting paid good money to blog/tweet/post about wine. Um, yes please. At first I thought this would be the perfect job for me. I mean, I like drinking wine, I love Napa, and I sort of work in social/interactive/online stuff with my real job. Then I thought about it, and figured that it would lead to increased drogging, and that all of my tweets would probably just be quotes from Sideways - quotes that out of context could be viewed as vulgar and offensive. So I’d probably get fired. Best of luck to Jenna in landing the job, as it would be an awesome opportunity and may lead to some wine giveaways on ELR. I usually don’t enter contests, but if wine is involved, I’ll make an exception.

Stock Up

Protein Powder - Blogland is bulking up with muscles like Major League Baseball in the 1990s. This could lead to a new foodbuzz steroid policy. Let’s hope that Barney Butter doesn’t end up on the banned substances list.

Spinoff Blogs - Like Operation Beautiful and Green Monster Movement - which seem to be successful spinoffs (like Frasier). I’m having trouble keeping up one blog, so don’t expect a blogstalker spinoff anytime soon.

Blogger Meet-ups - Well, not really a trend, but we’re going to dinner with KERF, Pinky, and the C&C Blogging Factory tonight, so that counts, right?

Biking - I think it has something to do with the Tour de France.

Apple(s) - Both the technological and edible kinds. Most bloggers are getting their recommended apple a day. And those who aren’t eating their apples are playing with their iPhones or trying to win a MacBook Pro.

Stock Down

Television viewing options - I’m done with Summer re-runs. I need my housewives to return. And Jon and Kate. And 30 Rock. I could go on, but you get the idea.

The Today Show - I love my Matt and Meredith time (and Hoda and Kathie Lee) but this has been a bad week. Al is on vacation, and I don’t think Willard even did his smuckers birthday list this week.

Juicing - Our juicer is collecting dust, and Fitnessestenista had a near juicing disaster. I expect juicing to make a strong comeback in the upcoming weeks.

The Sun - I haven’t seen it yet this week. Maybe because it has been really cloudy. Or maybe because I haven’t left the house much.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. See you next Friday, and we’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back, and I’m sorry that I’m a couple of days late with this post. I really have no excuse. I mean, I didn’t even have to work on Friday. Poor form on my part. I’ll try not to let it happen again. I’ll start with giving an update on what I’ve been up to this weekend, and then we’ll get to the blog review. Sound good?

So instead of blogging on Friday, Kate and I spent the day shopping for granite counter tops. Most of you know that Kate and I have been working very hard (with lots of help from my Dad and Home Depot) on updating our 1980s house. We have already performed a brass exorcism, removed the popcorn ceilings, and Kate has painted most of the house.

So operation get-our-house-out-of-1984 is now focused on new counter tops. For those of you who haven’t been shopping for granite, it’s sort of an experience. For me, it was particularly entertaining, since I’m pretty much color blind and don’t really spend a whole lot of time in the kitchen. So I spent most of my time adding insightful commentary, like:

“That looks really heavy. I don’t think I could lift that up by myself” - said when looking at the large slab of granite

“That one looks like the lobby at the Fairmont in San Francisco” - said while looking at some over the top white granite

“My house will be full of granite, marble and onyx” - Said while doing my best impression of Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Instead of blogging on Saturday, I noticed that I was starting to get a lot of spam comments on the blog and I wanted to address that. So I dug into WordPress, and noticed that I could create a blacklist of words for comments - basically a list of naughty words that, when used in a comment, would lead to a comment getting automatically deleted. Creating this list was a fun exercise. I started out just using all of the words that show up in most of the spam comments (viagra, cialis, etc), but then started getting into all of the naughty words that I could think of. I think there are five languages represented in my comment naughty word blacklist. It’s like a potty mouth United Nations. So that took up most of my Saturday - happy birthday America!

As for Sunday…it’s with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of a family treasure. Lawnmower (2004-2009) passed away today in the backyard. I’d like to say that he passed away quietly in his sleep, but instead it was super noisy and embarrassing. Lawnmower and I shared so many great moments. There was my summer-long duel with crazy Indiana neighbor who wanted to have a better lawn than me. Crazy neighbor might have had me beat with his mad edging skillz and Cracker Barrel quality rocking chairs, but he couldn’t compete with the quality work that lawnmower did for me. And then there was the time that I thought I could fill up a camelback with beer for an afternoon of lawn mowing (not as brilliant of an idea as it sounds). Your beer will taste like gatorade, and your gatorade will taste like beer. Hmm, maybe if I had two camelbacks. Anyway…Lawnmower made the trip with us from Indiana, and lived exactly one year at our new house. He joins Weed Wacker (2004-2007) Red Truck (1998 - 2005) and Kate’s Laptop (2006-2007) in joint asset heaven. He is survived by gas can (2004-) and weed wacker #2 (2009-). In lieu of flowers, please send unleaded gasoline or spark plugs. A private ceremony for friends and family will be held at Lawnmower’s final resting place - the crawlspace under the deck. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Alright - time for the blog review now.

Anna at Blue Plate Special gets the top spot, because she sent us some free shiz. She sent us some delicious supercharge me cookies. Because of their name, I treated them like little vitamins. Unfortunately, they did not lead to me going out and running a marathon, but eating one of them did give me the energy to eat another one. So thanks again, Anna.

Anna made the world’s largest salad in this post. Either that, or this is the world’s smallest hand and blackberry. I’m not sure which it is. Sometimes I like to hold those little 6 oz Coke Cans in my hand and act like I’m a giant. I also do the same thing with the mini bottles of booze on airplanes. It’s not very difficult to entertain me. Also, shortly after her green monster, Anna was offered $5000 for this blender on the antiques roadshow.

Hangry Heather showed off her obscure nut butter collection in this post. I’m glad that Heather shared this picture. I’m also glad that Heather mentioned Scurvy…I always try to mention rickets or scurvy, but generally only do so when playing The Oregon Trail. And that usually happened because I’d buy 99 boxes of ammunition and no clothing for the children. This is no way for a banker from Boston to prepare for a trip across the country, which is why Nate Jr. would always end up with cholera or scurvy. I also mention scurvy when talking about the lead singer from the Spin Doctors (he just looked sickly), and he just doesn’t come up much these days. Anyway, I like this picture, because Kate has been falling in love with Polly’s fridge lately, which is super clean. Kate has talked about going with the ‘empty fridge/buy groceries for one day’ method. I don’t see this ending well for me. Neither of us is going to be able to go to the grocery on a daily basis. I can hardly commit to making it to my office every day, and that’s just upstairs. Hell, I can’t even blog every seven days. So please, more pictures of full fridges.

K-Dizzle from K’s Good Eats tackled an important topic in this post. In addition to sharing several mushroom glamour shots (K-Dizzle loves mushrooms - almost as much as the Real Housewives) she also discussed how her dogs are scared of fireworks. We have the same thing going on with Gilbert. This was a big problem when we lived in Indiana, because our hillbilly neighbors considered the 4th of July to be a week-long excuse to set off fireworks. I don’t get it, the duration of the holiday is clearly stipulated in the holiday’s name. It’s the 4th of July, not the “first week of July.” So Gilbert Michael wouldn’t go outside without bribery for a week or so. Fortunately we don’t have the same issue here in NC, or maybe Gilbert is just growing up. He knows he has to step up and be an adult before his upcoming nuptials with Penny. Man, we really need to stop treating that dog like a person. Oh, and a belated happy birthday to K-Dizzle.

Heather from Heat the Salmon Butt jumped on the banana ice cream bandwagon in this post. She also had a birthday party for her dog Einstein. Good to see that we’re not the only ones who treat our dog like a person. I would’ve liked to see the birthday hat on Einstein. We tried to put a birthday hat on Gilbert during my Spongebob party, but he decided to eat the hat instead. That dog loves to eat all paper products (Kate likes to say that he has a paper tooth). I’ve been kind of scared to try the banana soft serve. Several bloggers (Kath, Fitnessestenessa, Heat the Salmon Butt) have referred to it as a life changing experience. As I’ve mentioned before I’m not really a big fan of change, so I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of a commitment. If someone could confirm that it will taste good, but not change my life, I might give it a shot.

Post Graduate Meghannnn is on vacation, which means lots of guest posts. I was happy to see a post by her Easter Bunny, Derek. I like when bloggers have their significant others post for them. Most of them follow the format of: I don’t really pay attention to what I eat, I eat food from boxes, I don’t use all of those fancypants ingredients, I eat healthier because of my blogger, and I can’t believe that my blogging significant other does this posting thing multiple times per day. It’s a pretty solid format. I have enjoyed posts by Oh He Glows, Matt Eats Real Food, Mr. Hangry, and now Graduate Derek. I’m thinking Kate should do a guest post here in the near future. Both because I’m sure she’d do a good job, and because it would give me another week off from posting. A little peer pressure via comments could help make this happen.

Stock Up

Hummus - Good for hummus. It’s a true comeback story…Hummus has fallen on hard times lately, so it’s good to see hummus (both homemade and store-bought) make it to the stock up list again

Chicken Sausages - Not sure if other bloggers were eating them, but I ate enough this weekend to make them stock up

Patriotism - Blogland felt like a Toby Keith song this weekend

Green Monster Variations - Everyone seems to be adding an ingredient here, taking one out there. One of these days someone is going to come up with a combo that blows up their blender like an Indiana meth lab.

Stock Down

Store-bought Ice Cream - Everyone seems to be making their own. This banana stuff is out of control. I might give it a go, if I could also get butterfinger and oreos mixed in, like I do at Cold Stone.

Amazing Grass - It’s still out there, but mentions are down about 30% from last week

PETA Vegan College Cookbook - This was as popular as those Mushroom Ravioli things earlier this year, but haven’t seen it in blogland recently.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got. I’ll try to do better (and get back on schedule) next time.