The BlogStalker

Hi Friends,

Welcome back. Seems like we just talked. Now I’m back on track, so hopefully I can stick to my rigorous 1 post/week schedule. We’ll see how that goes. Hmm…trying to think of interesting things that have happened since my last post. Oh, here’s one…

Kelsey of Bites and Bowls fame is moving to a new place. She’s out of town and needed someone to help move some possessions (couch, bed, etc). This is right in my wheelhouse, as two of my greatest skills are lifting heavy things and reaching tall things, so I was more than happy to help her out. Problem is that her possessions > Size of my SUV. So this meant renting a truck. No big deal…figured I’d get the little truck and it would be fine. Turns out that they don’t rent the little trucks for in-town moves. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how that could make any sense at all. Still working on it. Anyway, I got to drive the big 16 foot yellow truck through Uptown Charlotte. During the lunch hour. When most of the roads that I needed to drive on were under construction. Or closed. Or were one way streets with the cars going in the opposite direction. Now I consider myself a pretty good driver. No accidents or speeding tickets in 13 years of driving. But I never did figure out if there’s a way to make a right turn in the big yellow truck without taking out the curb or the people that are standing on it. So I have a new-found respect for real truck drivers, and I’ll probably stop pumping my fist when I pass them (trying to get them to honk) as they have more important things to focus on, and most people grow out of that when they turn 10. Oh, and the moving was totally worth it, as Kelsey had left beer and barney butter for met at her new place. And she gave me some Great Harvest blondies that Matt made. I must say that they were every bit as good as a VeggieGirl blondie. Actually, I can’t say that, because I still haven’t tried these VG Blondies (hint) that everyone else speaks of, but these were good blondies.

In other news, Kate picked up this new shampoo at the store. She wanted me to mention that it was free with a rebate.

Sorry for the poor photo quality. If you can’t read that, it says it includes coconut milk and egg white proteins. It just so happens that I was making brinner last night and was short 1 egg from making the ideal omelette. The thought crossed my mind to supplement my eggs with some of this shampoo. I mean, it says it includes egg whites and milk, which is what I was looking for. I decided that the shampoo might include other ingredients as well, so I did not make a shampoo omelette. I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind at a future brinner.

Hmm…trying to think if anything else exciting happened this week. I think I only left the house by car one other time since the last time I blogged, so I got nothin. Guess I’ll get going with the blog review.

Jenn from Eating Bender is in Maui with Ma Bender and she’s even blogging from vacationland. This shows true dedication to the blog, something that I clearly don’t have. Now I’ve actually been pretty anti-Hawaii when people suggest it as a potential vacation spot. That’s probably an understatement. I react to the Hawaii suggestion the same way that Kate reacts when someone mentions Angelina Jolie. I don’t know what it is, but I have no urge to go to Hawaii. It’s mostly because when I hear my coworkers or friends talk about their trips to Hawaii, it seems like there’s some kind of vacation checklist - like a list of 5-7 touristy things that every mainland tourist does when they go to Hawaii. It usually goes something like “volcano, blah blah blah, luau, blah blah pig and hula dancers and fire, blah blah seven sacred somethings, blah blah oh and the pineapple at the hotel blah blah.” I’m sure there are thousands of fun things to do in Hawaii, but it seems like everyone does the same five things. So my anti-Hawaii feelings are driven by either this tourist checklist theory, or some fear that I’ll end up like one of the Real World Hawaii cast members. Either a trainwreck like Ruthie or a completely unwatchable assbag like Colin/Amaya. But then Bender did her first vacation post and I thought “hmm, Hawaii looks nice” so maybe I’m getting over it. I think it was the pizza. Anyway, thanks for changing my thoughts on this Bender.

Mark Hangry (from Hangry and Hangry, LLC) is giving away a cookbook in this post. I’m not a really big cookbook reader. For me, it’s sort of like the owner’s manual in my car. I can read through it and look at the pictures, but at the end of the day, I’ll probably just outsource the actual work. I read enough to know that I’m not capable of doing what needs to be done. But this looks like an interesting cookbook. Mr. Hangry mentions that there is a toilet paper icon next to recipes that make you go. I think restaurant menus should offer the same thing. Mark Hangry also came up with a creative entry process for joining his contest. None of this add me to your blogroll nonsense for the Hangrys. No, you have to come up with a poem about the blogger to enter. I’m a big fan of creative contest requirements like this. Links and tweets are not the only currency that we can use for contests, blogland. So please take Mr. Hangry’s lead and come up with creative rules and regs for your free shiz giveaways.

Everyone’s favorite Homegirl had a nice post about babysitting. It was one of those posts that makes you want to be a little kid again. I want to sit in a wagon and eat ice cream while someone pulls me to the park. Although that would be pretty strange at my current age and size.  She mentioned that one of the kids was going to Circus Camp, which sent me into flashback mode. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but I spent the majority of my childhood as a circus performer. You can get all of the details of my circus life in this post. I have hung up my sequins and spandex (to the delight of anyone who has their sight), but I will occasionally still juggle. Like after a few drinks at Universal Studios CityWalk when I want to show up a clown with my skills. I never miss an opportunity to show up a clown. That’s not slang…I mean a guy wearing face paint and making animal balloons. I hate clowns.

Rose from On a Lobster Placemat (my favorite blog name ever) did something interesting at the end of this post. She asked for male readers to de-lurk and introduce themselves. I proudly followed her orders and identified myself. I think men are an underrepresented group in food blog land. My working theory is that readership skews about 90/10 female. I have absolutely nothing to base this on. The only guys that comment on my blog are related to me, friends of mine, or other bloggers that I write about. So I’ll steal Rose’s idea. Male blogstalker readers, please identify yourself. Female readers, do the same thing. This way I’ll end up with lots of comments, and it’ll make this blog look popular.

In other news, I have grown increasingly jealous of Jenna from Eat, Live, Run for landing an interview for the coolest job in the world. You can read about it in this post. From what I gather, a winery in Napa is interviewing Jenna and some other people (who I’m also jealous of) for a job where they use their social media influence to promote the winery. It involves hanging out in Napa and getting paid good money to blog/tweet/post about wine. Um, yes please. At first I thought this would be the perfect job for me. I mean, I like drinking wine, I love Napa, and I sort of work in social/interactive/online stuff with my real job. Then I thought about it, and figured that it would lead to increased drogging, and that all of my tweets would probably just be quotes from Sideways - quotes that out of context could be viewed as vulgar and offensive. So I’d probably get fired. Best of luck to Jenna in landing the job, as it would be an awesome opportunity and may lead to some wine giveaways on ELR. I usually don’t enter contests, but if wine is involved, I’ll make an exception.

Stock Up

Protein Powder - Blogland is bulking up with muscles like Major League Baseball in the 1990s. This could lead to a new foodbuzz steroid policy. Let’s hope that Barney Butter doesn’t end up on the banned substances list.

Spinoff Blogs - Like Operation Beautiful and Green Monster Movement - which seem to be successful spinoffs (like Frasier). I’m having trouble keeping up one blog, so don’t expect a blogstalker spinoff anytime soon.

Blogger Meet-ups - Well, not really a trend, but we’re going to dinner with KERF, Pinky, and the C&C Blogging Factory tonight, so that counts, right?

Biking - I think it has something to do with the Tour de France.

Apple(s) - Both the technological and edible kinds. Most bloggers are getting their recommended apple a day. And those who aren’t eating their apples are playing with their iPhones or trying to win a MacBook Pro.

Stock Down

Television viewing options - I’m done with Summer re-runs. I need my housewives to return. And Jon and Kate. And 30 Rock. I could go on, but you get the idea.

The Today Show - I love my Matt and Meredith time (and Hoda and Kathie Lee) but this has been a bad week. Al is on vacation, and I don’t think Willard even did his smuckers birthday list this week.

Juicing - Our juicer is collecting dust, and Fitnessestenista had a near juicing disaster. I expect juicing to make a strong comeback in the upcoming weeks.

The Sun - I haven’t seen it yet this week. Maybe because it has been really cloudy. Or maybe because I haven’t left the house much.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. See you next Friday, and we’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back. Sorry I had to take a week off last week, but I’m back now. I leave for one week and all hell breaks loose: Jacko and Farrah die, Jon and Kate file for divorce, my Jersey housewives leave me for the year, and the Governor of a neighboring state goes to Argentina to have an affair. Crazy stuff, and that doesn’t even count all of the non-celebrity news. I’m guessing People Magazine has changed their upcoming cover about three times in the past week.

Since I haven’t spent a whole lot of time reading blogs recently, I’ll ramble a bit about our Cabo trip, and then talk about some blogs a little bit, okay? Cabo was fun. I learned that I’m getting a little too old for Spring Break (downtown) Cabo. All-Inclusive Resort Cabo is more my style. Although having something like this in your hotel room is just a little bit dangerous:

I also thought I’d give you guys a photo diary of a typical day of vacation. We’d start the day looking like this. Kate getting ready to go to the pool/beach and me heading to the golf course:

We’d then spend the afternoon at the swim-up bar, and I wouldn’t look quite so good. I think I’m going for a late Jim Morrison look. Like after he exposed himself on stage but before he died:

By the end of the night I’d look like this:

Stay classy, Nate.

And then we’d pretty much repeat that same process for nine days, so it has taken me some time to recover here. Before I get on with the blog review, I’d like to issue a few apologies.

Marta the drink cart driver at the Cabo San Lucas Country Club - I’m sorry I nearly hit you with my drive on the 16th hole. In my defense, just because we’re in Mexico, that doesn’ t mean you have to include vodka AND tequila in my Bloody Mary. I think just vodka would’ve been fine. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bloody mary and thought “You know what this needs? More booze.”

Ramon the bartender - I’m sorry I freaked out when you handed me my bar tab. I should’ve realized that 1800 pesos is not the same as 1800 dollars. In my defense, you are sort of the reason I was overserved and incapable of handling the currency conversion in my head.

Ceasar the guy who makes animals out of bath towels at the Riu Palace - I’m sorry that that I put Towel Swan and Towel Crab in such compromising (and unnatural) positions. That was childish and unnecessary. But then again, please refer to the in-room booze dispenser in the picture above.

I’d also like to thank Mrs. Arnold, my middle school Spanish teacher. Your decision to let us ignore the vosotros conjugation of countless verbs allowed me to focus on more important things. Like knowing that I was supposed to go to the Caballeros Bano, and not the Mujeres Bano. Kate apparently didn’t learn that in Spanish class. She knew she was in the wrong place when she saw the urinals.

Okay, enough about Cabo…time for the blog review:

Janet at Pretty Green Girl did a post about cookies here. Not that I’m going to borrow the recipe (I should probably stay away from cookies during my post-Mexico detox) but I do appreciate the video clip from Troop Beverly Hills. I think more blog posts should include random movie clips, especially those starring the great Craig T. Nelson. Top billing in a future blogstalker post to the first blogger who can naturally fit in a clip from Turner and Hooch, or the 1986 made for TV movie: The Ted Kennedy Jr. Story. I’d put in video clips, but Kate only wants me to put in videos that she has taken of Gilbert.

Speaking of Gilbert, he will soon have a new friend in Charlotte. Kelsey from Bites and Bowls recently announced in this post that her dog daughter Penny will be moving to Charlotte. Kelsey, Kate, and I have talked about it, and we’ve decided to arrange a marriage between Gilbert and Penny. We still have not worked out all of the details (picking a date, getting Matt to bake a dog cake, negotiating Penny’s dowry) but it will be THE social event of the Summer. Neither Penny or Gilbert have the bits required for procreation, but that’s okay….it will still make for good blog fodder. Check your mailbox (or my blog) for a save the date card.

Caitlin at Healthy Drogging Pancake has stated a spin-off blog, Operation Beautiful. It’s sort of like Post Secret, except that all of the notes are about having a positive body image, as opposed to sharing ones deepest, darkest secrets. Still very entertaining, and it is really taking off. HTP is getting love from big fancy newspapers with this Operation Beautiful thing. She’s sort of a big deal. Kate sometimes leaves me anonymous notes like this. Except they aren’t really anonymous, because I know she leaves them for me. And instead of saying things like “You’re beautiful just the way you are” she just cuts out coupons for $3 off of a haircut at Sport Clips and leaves it on my laptop. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Kath has apparently spent the past week creating, revising, and re-revising (not a word, I know) her list of places to move. I feel like I’m watching a friggan episode of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Carmen’s in Savannah. Wait, now Carmen’s in Jacksonville. At least they’re in the Southeast, so I’m familiar with the geography. I always used to get pissed when Carmen would be in Africa or Asia, because I knew there was no chance I could identify the various unmarked countries on the big map. I guess I should’ve been happy to have a criminal mastermind like Carmen farther away from my house, but that safety wouldn’t win me that set of encyclopedias. Okay, enough about Carmen. Kath, I can make this really easy…just stay in Charlotte. A couple of reasons why: 1. It’s awesome. 2. We live here, and we’re pretty awesome. Hopefully that settles it.

I haven’t been spending enough time reading blogs recently, so no ’stock up/stock down’ this week. If y’all want to post some stock up/stock down suggestions as comments, that would be lovely. Instead, we’ll do some Larry King-style News and Notes:

News and Notes

Congratulations to the World’s Nicest Blogger, Polly on her 15 year wedding anniverary

Congratulations also to my friends and fellow bloggers Kate and Al on their upcoming wedding bash. Looking forward to seeing you guys in Minneapolis tomorrow!

Blogapalooza sold out faster than a Taylor Swift concert. I wasn’t able to register in time. Or, I wasn’t able to convince Kate in time that a blogging conference was the best way to spend our 5 year wedding anniversary. We still might come to Boston that weekend and attend some of the extracurricular activities. Stay tuned.

Sarah at Tales of Expansion issued a french toast challenge in this post. Brandi accepted the challenge by french frying some donuts here. This is like a carny’s dream. I’m pretty sure it’s fair season, so maybe Sarah can get a guest post from the guy who deep frys twinkies or oreos or something.

RoseyRebecca is giving away some Greek Yogurt. Find out the details here

Iowa Girl Eats is giving away some stuff too. I’m a slacker and didn’t get this post up in time, but you should still check out her blog.

That’s all for this week. I’ll try to do better next time. And remember, whatever you do, Don’t stop till ya get enough.

Hi Friends. I hope you all had a nice week. It has been a busy week here. Well, not really, but I’ve done some things that I’ve been putting off for awhile. 

1. Kate and I went and met the new neighbors down the street. They moved in about a month ago, and we wanted to go introduce ourselves for quite some time, as they looked young and childless. That said, we didn’t want to look like the creepy neighbors who are trying too hard to be friends. I’m convinced that it’s impossible to go introduce yourself to new neighbors without looking/acting like a complete jackass. Kate made brownies. I bought beer. I guess we didn’t even need to stick around to say hello…the brownies and beer probably would’ve told them what we’re all about. Anyway,they seem nice. We probably seem crazy. Check that one off the list.

2. I got a haircut. Things were getting pretty out of control. I think this might have been my first haircut since the inauguration, and that was like four months ago. You know you’re looking pretty good when the lady at the haircut place says “I’m guessing you don’t work in an office with other people, do you.” I’m not exactly sure what gave away my work from home lifestyle. I’m guessing it was either the lack of pockets, my 3:00 PM on a weekday walk-in, my urban Amish facial hair, or the Bob Ross style afro. Either way, I’m now about five pounds lighter.

3. I went to the doctor. I’m not sick or anything, but I haven’t been to the doctor for a check-up since the late 1990s. I wish I was exaggerating, but my last physical was in 1998. So this week I went in for the blood work, and then next week is my actual appointment. I’m going to feel like a pretty big chach if el doctor finds something that would’ve been way better to find like five years ago or something. So I’m going to make a deal right here. With blog as my witness, I promise I’ll go to the doctor every year or so, as long as I don’t get stuck with some horrible illness or disease at next week’s appointment. Deal? Cool.

Alright. That’s what I’ve been doing. I also watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I have been looking for a copy of Danielle’s book (Cop Without a Badge) but it’s going for $189 on Amazon. I love my housewives, but not that much.  No new inventions this week, so I’ll just get going to the blog review. 

HangryPants remains in the #1 slot this week, which means I didn’t get any free shiz this week. Anyway, Ms. Hangry is currently getting ready for her “Cleaner Life Month’ which she describes in this post. From what I understand, it has something to do with eating healthy stuff. These month long challenges are great. They seem to fly by, and then the challenge blogger talks about their progress, and I just sit back and think “what the hell did I do in the last 30 days” and it’s usually pretty depressing. I don’t think I’ll be participating, but I’ll be cheering from the sidelines (diet mountain dew in hand).  I’m going to start my own challenge. I’m not going to eat any peaches for the next month. Who’s with me? No real reason, other than the fact that I don’t like eating peaches, but there ya go. Follow me to a peach free June. In other news, Kate told me about some health food guy who said something about how you shouldn’t eat foods that weren’t around 50 years ago. I guess that sort of makes sense for things like gogurt (whatever the hell that is) and other overprocessed stuff. But I doubt the greatest generation sat around drinking vanilla almond milk either, so I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. Alright, I’m rambling now. Next blog…  

Brooke at Homegirl Can Eat wrote a great post about a perverted teacher in this post. If you aren’t reading this blog yet, you really, really should. It’s probably one of the best written blogs out there, even though I don’t understand half the shit that homegirl is talking about (mostly because I’m old). Whenever I go to the mall and start hating ‘those damn teens’ I just think of Homegirl and her good writing, and it makes me not hate the kids as much as I did before. I do often wonder if homegirl’s principal or teachers are aware of the blog and how they feel about it, but I’m sure she has that under control.I’ve noticed that homegirl commentors like to comment using homegirl-speak. That is, they adjust their language and slang to match that of the blog they are reading. I always want to comment on her posts, but I refrain for two reasons:

1. Kate is convinced I’d come off as a creepy old man
2. I’d write something like “Great post, I love how you did XYZ” which would really stand out amongst the comments like “Yay for graduation again! You and mama cynth look gorgey-poo! ” and other comments in Homegirl-speak. So I just lurk instead.

Fortunately the same thing hasn’t caught on here on The Blogstalker, otherwise y’all would comment using my backcountry gibberish and we’d all be a little dumber. So the moral of the story is, read Homegirl’s blog. 

Alli of Green Dog Wine had a busy week. Her blog found a new home (the URL that I used), got a new logo, and it was also her husband’s birthday and she devoted this post to her husband. As I mentioned last week, I’m a big fan of photo trips down memory lane in blogland. Sure, pictures of food are great, but I would much rather look at pictures of people doing funny things. Think of it this way, I wouldn’t go watch a movie about a bowl of oatmeal, but there’s a good chance that I’d go see a romantic comedy involving a man with a mohawk singing karaoke or lifting his wife over her head. So I vote for more personal pictures in blogland. Except on my blog. Because I’m lazy and our camera is pretty lame. But everyone else…please include more pictures. And if they can be photo slide shows with sappy music, that would win you bonus points. Now get to work! Also, I’ve been reading this blog for quite some time and didn’t really know where the name came from. I had some good theories going on in my head, but never thought to look at the ‘about me’ page, which pretty much explains it. I liked my theories better. 

Postgraduate Meghannnn did a recap of the San Diego Marathon in this post. Congrats to Meghannnn and everyone else who completed some sort of distance race this weekend. We were also happy to see that the easter bunny made the trip to San Diego. What really blows my mind is that people are videotaping and twittering while running a damn marathon. I’ve run my share of marathons, but have never videotaped or used any other type of technology during the process. After mile 13, I don’t think that I’d have a single thing to say that would be family friendly - I guess you could call it exercise-induced Tourettes. Also, I think I sweat too much to carry something electronic while running. I’ll just stick to the pictures that the race people take to document how miserable I was feeling during the race. Or I can just think really hard and remember it. 

Stock Up

Graduation - I’m happy for all of the graduating bloggers, I just hope that they keep blogging. See previous post re: not a big fan of change in my blogs.

House/Apartment/Room Tours - There was basically a full episode of Cribs this week. Unfortunately, none of the video tours included classic Cribs cliches like “this is where the magic happens.” I think at least one blogger should have used that line when showing off their kitchen or something.

Detailed Exercise Recaps - Including, but not limited to: calories burned, distance traveled (down to the hundredth or a mile), music listened to, energy foods and drinks consumed, etc. I think you’re burning off calories just doing the exercise recap.

Puffins (the cereal, not the bird) - Always a fan favorite among bloggers, but really growing in popularity in recent weeks. I just can’t eat this stuff. I once saw Puffin on a menu in Iceland, and it wasn’t the cereal. So now I can’t eat the cereal without thinking about people eating the cute little bird, so there’s my excuse. 

Stock Down

Flip Phones - The entire blog world seemed to get on iPhone or Blackberry bandwagon in the last week or two. Still waiting for someone to bring back the Zach Morris brick phone as a retro smart phone

Bagels - Not sure if this is because of the high caloric content, or the fact that it’s national donut day. Mentions to donut day should probably be stock up.

Alltel’s Commercials - Chad (the Alltel guy) is kinda hot and nice enough, but those other jackasses are really pissing me off. Sorry for the bad language, but I’m passionate about this one. Their last two commercials have butchered some pretty funny bits by Chris Farley and Willy Wonka. Sorry…this has nothing to do with blogs or bloggers, but I really really dislike these commercials, especially the Sprint guy.

Drogging - Drogging (drunk blogging) references are still stock up (thanks to Caitlin Pancake), but actual drunk blogging hasn’t been happening as much (as far as I can tell). I would like this to be stock up this weekend - especially for the Charlotte bloggers who are going to dive bar karaoke with me tomorrow night. You know who you are. 

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading, and I’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back and spending some of your holiday weekend with me. I hope you enjoy the long weekend. I think we’re going to buy a mattress. That’s what the loud guys on the television commercials are telling me to do. Kate is settling in with her new blog reading machine. Thanks to everyone who suggested various bookmark storage methods (as well as Google Reader). probably not gonna happen, but thanks anyways.

We were kind of bored last weekend. When we’re bored and have lots of time on our hands, we usually come up with ideas that may or may not be good. Like in college when I wanted to buy two aquariums, hang them on opposite sides of the room and connect them with some clear tubing. Then we were going to buy a hamster. The brilliance comes in with the food and water distribution. I wanted to put the food in one aquarium and the water in the other aquarium. That way the hamster would be forced to walk back and forth through the tubing to entertain me. To this day I consider this to be the best idea that I’ve ever come up with, but unfortunately it never got past the diagram on napkin stage.

I bring this idea up because Kate had a similar idea this weekend. The previous owners of our house installed a massive hot tub on our deck. I’m not quite sure why they did this, but based on the popcorn ceilings and mountains of brass throughout the house (that have since been removed), I assume they never moved out of the 1980s. So for the past 11 months, we’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this damn hot tub. It would cost too much (and leave a massive hole in our deck) if we got it removed, but we really don’t see ourselves taking outdoor baths with our friends anytime soon. So Kate decided that we would turn it into a cool tub or mini pool (still working on the name). I didn’t think she was serious, but then she came home with his and hers inflatable rafts. Our weekend was spent draining, cleaning, and refilling the cool tub/mini pool. I wasn’t buying into this idea when her pitch was “you can just lay around and read magazines,” so then she changed it up and said “you can lay around and drink beer.” That’s all it took to get me to buy in. Here’s the cool tub in action:

Snap, I’m like 400 words into this post and I haven’t started talking about blogs yet. I better get going.

The Gilded Clam is packing up her apartment and getting ready to move. If she is as good at packing as she is at arranging fruits and vegetables on a plate, then moving should be a breeze. I swear she eats more fruits and vegetables than anyone I know. And by ‘know’ I mean people who have blogs that I stalk. Her fruits and veggies are always so neatly arranged on her plate too. Reading her blog always makes me feel guilty about my lack of fruit and veggie consumption, and motivates me to go buy produce. After reading this post, I went to the grocery store and bought an orange. But instead of just eating the orange, I went to the beer aisle and bought a 12 pack of Blue Moon to compliment the orange. The beer is almost gone, but the orange is still in the fruit bowl. I blame you, Clam. Oh, and I know the blog name is Gliding Calm, not Gilded Clam, but Gilded Clam is more fun to say, so I’m going to stick with that. 

Kath’s house is apparently turning into a wildlife preserve. In the past week or so, we’ve seen the love ducks, Winston the Garden Snake (there is only one Gilbert in Charlotte blogland, and he’s my dog), a family of squirrel babies in her garage, and a roach on the ceiling. This is getting out of control. I think word has traveled through the animal kingdom that you have a compost pile filled with Matt’s beer ingredients and that food companies send you lots of free stuff. I’m going over to Kath’s house for dinner tonight, and I’m thinking about dressing up as Brian Fellows and staying in character for the entire evening. Oh that is one fuzzy bug!

Speaking of animal sightings, Kelsey took an amazing shot of a moose knuckle in this post. I would love to provide more detail on this post, including the meaning of moose knuckle, but this is a family show. You can look it up on Urban Dictionary, or just look at the pictures on the post and you can probably figure it out. I’ve sat here for about five minutes trying to come up with a family friendly way to describe this post, but I’ve got nothin. You’re just going to have to check it out for yourself. I’m just glad I wasn’t wearing 3D glasses while reading this post, because it might have poked my eye out. 

The beautifully bald ZestyCook is holding a pimp my blog contest here. I would prefer if he held a scalp giveaway contest so I could have his beautiful bald head (instead of my white man afro that the humidity is taking from Will Ferrell to Bob Ross style), but his idea is good too. It’s such a good idea that I almost didn’t tell you guys about it. Not that I need a blog makeover (this blog is a hot mess - thanks to Pinky’s husband) but 10 hours of Zesty magic seems like a good idea. If I win, I’d like him to focus primarily on figuring out how I can make money on this thing, or optimize my blog for free shiz. The UPS man drives by every day and never stops, and that needs to change. For those of you that don’t know, Zesty provides about 96% of the tech support for the food blogging world. When anyone has a design or formatting issue, they just contact their Canadian blog guru. It’s like he’s some kind of one man Mountie Geek Squad. 

Stock Up

Extreme Close-ups of fingers and toes - These are taken both pre-mani/pedi and post-mani/pedi. I have a recommendation on this one. Just include a link to a picture of your fingers and/or toes. Then blog readers can make a personal decision as to whether or not they want to see your fingers and toes. Just a suggestion. 

Tofu - Tofu posts are outnumbering Tempeh posts 2-1 this week. I expect Tempeh to make a strong comeback next week. These two are going point/counterpoint like Obama and Cheney these days.

Pancakes - Caitlin is really the only blogger that is rocking the fried cake and syrup, but since she eats them every friggin day, she has single handedly brought them into the stock up category. We’re currently calling her Caitlin Pancake, but might change that to Pancake Tipping Point or Healthy Tipping Pancake. 

Tattoos - Lots of blogger ink out there

Stock Down

Staying at home - I never realized that bloggers were such road warriors. Lots of blogger travel in the past week, and I don’t like it. I like consistency in my food blogs. I’m probably just mad because all of my blogger friends are traveling too much which means I can’t hang out with them. I’ll stop whining now. 

Danielle and Gucci Model’s Phone ‘Relationship - This one is for all the Real Housewives of New Jersey fans out there. That lady is a piece of work. In other RHNJ news, I’m a big fan of Albie. 

Smoothies - Juicing and Green Monsters are still going strong, but overall blender usage is down 28% from last week. Perhaps it’s related to the recent cold streak that hit the east coast. Or maybe I’m just thinking too much about this.

That’s all for this week. I’m going to try to do two posts next week. One for the blogs that I usually stalk, and then one where I talk about blogs that I haven’t talked about before. Should be able to swing it, since most of my TV shows are now in re-runs. We’ll see how that goes, and I’ll try to do better next week.

Update: Alright…I have to update this post. Big news here…I got my first free shiz delivered in the mail today!!! Hangry Heather sent me some throw back Mountain Dew, throwback Pepsi, and some delicious baked goods. I heart Hangry Heather. I feel like I’ve made the big time now. I’d take a picture, but I’m sort of busy eating some Hangry Muffins.

Alright. Now I swear I’m done. Thanks again, Heather!

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back. Sorry that I haven’t posted since last Friday. I actually haven’t been doing much blogstalking this week, so I’m not sure how this is going to go this week. But I do have a few valid reasons for my decreased blogging/blogstalking:

1. I was traveling for work all week. I still haven’t figured out how to make blogstalking a billable expense. 

2. When I did have free time on the interweb, I spent most of it watching this video. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop watching it. 

3. Due to an unfortunate incident, Kate’s laptop is no longer with us. Not only does it have an earthquake fault line running from the top of the monitor to the bottom, but it also has contracted the blue screen of death. So Kate’s blogstalking has decreased 100%.

Sorry about the poor picture quality. The late laptop is the one that has our photo software on it, so this picture is brought to you by my iPhone. Awesome.

They just don’t make ‘em like they used to. HP/Apple/Dell…if you’re listening…we’re a laptop down over here. Hint hint.

Alright. Enough with the excuses. Here’s what I’ve got from my limited blogstalking…

Caitlin Tipping Point is detoxing after a college-style weekend spent at the Shenandoah Apple Blossom Festival. You can find her ‘blogger gone wild’ post here. This was probably one of my favorite posts of the week. Kate and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago about what our blogs would look like if we had been food bloggers in college. Of course we didn’t have food blogs in college, because we’re old and the interweb didn’t exist back then. But we’re amazed at how healthy all of the college food bloggers are these days. My college food blog would look a whole lot like Caitlin’s Apple Blossom post. Dinner would be a large pizza and a twelve pack (insert pictures of sweet, sweet college). Late night snack would be Southern Comfort and one of my roommate’s pet goldfish (insert slightly blurry pictures). Breakfast would be served around noon and would be a 64 ounce orange Gatorade, a couple of Advil, and leftover pizza crust from the night before (insert picture of the pizza box in the garbage can, and me rescuing the discarded crust). Oh, the memories.

Kath has spent the last few days freaking out about a snake that she found in her garage. Now, I’ve got no problem with her freaking out about a snake. I’m not a fan of snakes. My beef is with the snake’s name. Those of you who have wandered off of the home page may have noticed that our dog son’s name is Gilbert. Then Kath goes and names her garage snake Gilbert too. This is not cool at all. There is only room for one Gilbert in Charlotte blogland, and he is covered in fur. I expressed my concern to Kath and she said she’d stop talking about Gilbert the snake if I came over and removed it from their garage. I actually considered it for a good 30 seconds, but then I thought that even if I got rid of the snake, there would probably be a KERF post about me removing the snake and it would be Gilbert this and Gilbert that all over again. I just can’t win. Doesn’t the snake have a middle name or something that we can call him instead? Maybe I’ll start a petition to get his name changed. Nah, I’ll just read some more blogs instead.

Heather at Heat the Salmon Butt made some purple cauliflower in this post. I did not know that things existed in nature in that color. I was giving Crayola all the credit for bright ass purple (it can only be found in the big box of crayons). Good to know. I doubt I’d like the cauliflower, but I do appreciate the color. I like foods where I can correctly identify the color. I’m not very good with colors. Another way to say that would be to say that I’m sort of color blind, but that makes it sound like it’s a big deal, so I prefer to say that I’m not good with colors. Most people don’t know that about me until I completely mess up the color of something and they look at me like I’m stupid. I’ll usually say something like, pass me the green peppers. They’ll look at me, and then pass me the peppers which are most likely red. I can usually just blame it on the wine. But with this cauliflower, I am 100% sure of the color, so maybe I should give it a try. Who am I kidding…I’m not going to eat cauliflower. 

It was an exciting week for Jenn at Eating Bender. Not only did she finish 90 days of P90X, but she also got engaged to Bobby. You can read all about it (and be the eleventy billionth person to comment) here. It was a pretty solid proposal story. I’m not really picky when it comes to proposal stories. All I really want is:

1. A creative way of proposing
2. No mention of ‘heart’ and ’skipping a beat’ in the description

Jenn and Bobby succeeded on both fronts. He proposed on the golf course. I was going to comment on the post, but thought better of it. Everyone was saying things like “oh, that’s so romantic” and “that ring is beautiful.” My comment was going to be something like “what courses do you recommend in Chicago? And congrats on qualifying for state your sophomore year of high school.” I decided against it. But seriously - Bender, if you can get me on Medinah you should let me know. Oh, and congrats to you and Bobby.

K-Dizzle at K’s Good Eats had an entertaining week. Her name probably isn’t really K-Dizzle, but I couldn’t get an official name (other than K) so we’re going to go with K-Dizzle until I hear otherwise. Actually, that’s probably going to stick even if I find out what her real name is. Anyway, K-Dizzle made some greek yogurt parfaits in this post that actually looked really good. I don’t think I really like greek yogurt. It’s sort of a game at our house. Kate buys it. I make smartass comments about her buying it, then she somehow finds ways to sneak it into my food and then doesn’t tell me until I eat it. Nothing makes her happier than sneaking things into my food without me knowing it. It’s all fun and games unless she decides to poison me, Law and Order Criminal Intent-style. K-Dizzle is a fan of Law and Order, so she knows what I’m talking about. 

Stock Up

Computer Sales - Well, not yet. But I doubt Kate is going to make it anyone week without a blog reading machine 

Seizure-Inducing Font Colors - Bites and Bowls is one of my favorite blogs, but if Kelsey continues with these font colors, she should include a warning label for pregnant women and the elderly. Sorry Kelsey…Matt made me write that. 

Personification of Food Box Picture People - I’ve seen an uptick of food bloggers referring to the people either named or pictured on food packaging as if they are friends or family. See Arnold and his bread, Annie and her mac & cheese, Bob and his rolled oats, etc.

Half Marathons - Congrats to Rose, her lobsters, her placemats, and all of the other food bloggers who recently completed a half.

Stock Down

Spam Comments on my blog - I still get a few. Mostly from some random ass weight loss company trying to sell some kind of super colon blow weight loss product, but I haven’t been getting as many as usual. What happened to the Viagra spam comments? Do y’all not like me anymore? Number of comments is Kate’s only metric for determining blog popularity (More Comments = More popular blog). I want my wife to think this is a successful blog…so bring it.

Swine Flu Hysteria - I didn’t see anyone wearing masks at the airport this week. And The Today Show went a full segment without talking about it. So maybe we’re done with the flu. Or maybe it was because Tripp Palin and his baby mama were on with Matt Lauer. Or are we done freaking out about this global pandemic now? That was fast. 

Jillian’s Devil Shred - That was so last month

Alright. That’s all for this week. We’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back for another week. I can’t believe that I’ve been doing this for six weeks. I’m thinking about changing up the naming convention of this weekly post. I like the Roman Numerals, but once we get past the number of whatever Super Bowl we’re on, I’ll probably need help on the numbers.So if anyone out there is either Roman or a Papal Historian, please let me know once I get to week XLIII. More details to follow. One change that I am making is based off of reader feedback. Lee posted the following comment after last week’s post:

“Love the blog, hate the fact that you don’t include links to the specific post you’re referring to. Do you know how long it took me to find the Wendy’s post on Carrots ‘n’ Cake? (Totally worth it, by the way.) Help me out here … I’m supposed to be writing essays when I am reading your blog so the least you could do is help minimize the time I spend procrastinating!”

Well Lee, thanks for your feedback. I’m going to do my best to link to both the blog homepage and the individual post. So here’s your request, and dedication. Alright, time to get on with the blog roundup… 

Tina at Carrots ‘N’ Cake started reading Bethenny Frankel’s book in this post. For those of you that don’t know, Bethenny is one of  The Real Housewives of New York. Kate and I are both big fans of the Housewives franchise. New York isn’t my favorite, but I still watch. Bethenny is my favorite member of that cast, despite the fact that the title of her book (Naturally Thin) makes me flick it off when I see it at Barnes and Noble. Yes, you heard that right. I stick my middle finger up at a book when I see it at B&N. My favorite Housewives cast has to be Atlanta. Those women are just batshit crazy. I felt stressed out just watching Nene and Kim at the cast reunion. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just turn on Bravo. It’s probably on right now. I don’t recommend watching if it’s Saturday afternoon. There are usually marathons during the weekend. I have lost entire Saturdays with those damn women. 

Sarah from Tales of Expansion wrote a post about a blogger meet-up in Brooklyn titled Recycled Balls. I think it’s about Bubble Tea. Bubble Tea has been stock up for about three weeks, but since I really don’t know what the hell it is, I haven’t classified it as such. I like to be educated about these various products before I write about them. And by educated, I mean I want Kate to buy them, me to complain about her buying them, and then me to sample them. That’s just how we roll. Sarah at LovIN My Tummy emailed me a couple of weeks ago about the marked increase in ball references in food blogs, and she was right out in front of this trend. So I really don’t know what Bubble Tea is. All I know so far is:

1. It seems to be a big thing in New York
2. Nobody can talk about it on a blog without making jokes about, well, man bits

And I’m okay with the second one. I’m the guy with the list of blog names that sound like porn, so your ball jokes are fine with me.

Angela at Oh She Glows has been busy this week, launching Project Glow. From what I gather, Project Glow is Angela’s 30 day program to improve your skin. There are three steps for Project Glow:

1. Skin Care - A bunch of stuff about buying new product and taking off your makeup before you go to bed. Okay, I think I can handle that. Although I’m not sure if there’s any room in our shower caddie for more product. We probably have most of it already. Kate seems to be stockpiling product for some reason. Anyway, I’ll be sure to take off my makeup before bedtime

2. Glowing from the Inside Out: FOOD - Food is in all CAPS, so I guess it’s really important. She wants everyone to eat one of those damn green smoothies everyday. I have no doubt that it would probably help me glow, but this one probably isn’t happening. My thoughts on the green monster have been well documented. I like the Green Monster at Fenway, but that’s about it. And if Angela was feeling really entrepreneurial, she would require the Project Glow devotees to consume products that she sells at the Glo Bakery. And then you could say that those same products would help in the Bikini Body Boot Camp. That would be the OSG equivalent of a triple word score.

3. Reduce Stress - This one should be easy. I don’t really have anything stressful in my life. I mean, I spend my spare time reading food blogs, how stressful can that be? I think the most stressful thing I have going is trying to keep up with OSG’s multi-national conglomerate. Between keeping up with the Glo Bakery, and my instructions for the Bikini Body Boot Camp, and now this Project Glow, my schedule is pretty booked.  

In between facial scrubs, carub brownies and bikini body workouts, I checked out Matt’s post about mint juleps on Brew and Bake. It’s a pretty fantastic post. I mean, he dressed up and posed for the blog. How many of you have blogged in costume? That’s what I thought. The mint julep post was the lastest in Matt’s how-to series on Old Man drinks. I’ve enjoyed it so far because, well, I really like old man drinks. But I also think he should start a series on young man drinks. Post one could be jello shots. Post two could be how to infuse a watermelon with vodka. Post three could be whatever the kids are doing these days. I dunno, just a thought. And he could dress up in costume. Maybe a popped collar, a frayed baseball cap and some khaki cargos. We’re just brainstorming here. 

On a somewhat related topic, Janet at Pretty Green Girl made wine ice cubes in this post. Now I’m generally a big fan of creative alcohol use, but this one was disappointing. See, I like to open a bottle of wine, knowing full well that Kate is only going to drink one glass. My go to excuse for drinking the rest of the bottle is “well honey, I don’t want it to go bad.” So Janet’s idea, however ingenious it is, gives us another answer to the question:

1. How do I stop this bottle of wine from going bad?

A. Drink it
B.

See. I really liked it when there wasn’t a B. Now there is. Thanks a lot, Janet.  

Stock Up

Edward Cullen References - This guy just won’t die. Although I guess he is technically a vampire, so that’s sort of expected

Sample Packets of Barney Butter - These seem to be popping up everywhere. Although I havent’ seen any pictures of bloggers eating Barney’s sweet nectar right from the package. I bet it has happened off camera.

Swine Flu Threat Levels - Expect facial masks to be stock up next week

PETA College Vegan Cookbooks - My new advocacy group, PETT (People for the Ethical Treatment of Trees) is going to start protesting PETA if they keep sending out paper cookbooks. Can’t y’all create a digital cookbook instead? For instructions on how to do this, please email ZestyCook, you treekillers.

Stock Down

Running Marathons - I’ve run a few so I’m all for it, but there have been some comment pissing matches recently with some anti-marathon people. Is that really a cause? Are there lobbyists? I guess comment pissing matches should technically be stock up, but I’ve already got a decent list of stock up. And comment battles annoy me. I don’t think anyone walks away saying “yeah, I used to think this, but now that I’ve heard from some anonymous person on the internet, I’ve totally changed my opinion.”

Emoticons - Not yet on the endangered species list, but the overall population of yellow smiley faces has certainly declined. 

Kombucha - Ya’ll are still drinking it in blogland, but I haven’t seen any in my fridge for awhile. So it must be stock down at my house

Alright guys. That’s all I’ve got for this week. We’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Welcome to my new blog. It’s a hot mess, isn’t it? If you like the design, then I give all the credit to Pinky’s husband, who helped me out big time. Actually he did it all. I just supervised. And by supervise, I mean I drank beer and watched Juno and offered words of encouragement. He was done before with this fancy design before Juno’s third trimester. He’s good with the Word Press and the interweb, so if y’all need help with your blog, you can get in touch with him through Pinky’s blog. If something isn’t working correctly, that’s probably my bad. Let me know and we’ll try to get it fixed. After reading this post, I’d encourage you to take a tour of the blog. But first, let’s do our weekly blog review. 

We’ll start in our nation’s capital with Anna from Blue Plate Special. Anna’s sister Meg wrote a heart wrenching post where she came clean about her gambling addiction. Well, not really, but she did admit to bidding on four items in the recent blogger bake sale, which is sort of like gambling, right? I mean, those are some expensive baked goods. I can see her on the phone with her bookie, saying she’ll take the VeggieGirl blondies plus two, with the juice running at five points a week. Or maybe she’ll bet the over on Tina’s Chocolate Pumpkin Loaf. In other BPS news, Anna has sworn off using cocoa powder in her oats after three unsuccessful attempts. I understand where Anna is coming from on this one. I put a leftover birthday cupcake in my oats the other day. My cupcake oats tasted okay, but then when I wanted to eat my cupcake at lunch, it was already gone. And then I had to explain to Kate where the leftover cupcake went. And it doesn’t matter that I put it in oatmeal, I still ate a cupcake for breakfast.

Speaking of Kate, I would like to thank Jenna and the Fitnessistitanissstasa  for taking away what little counter space I had left in my kitchen. Thanks to the juicing habits of the aforementioned bloggers, Kate has now purchased her own juicer. Awesome. It also happens to be the same model that Jenna has, but Kate swears that’s a complete coincidence. I’m not buying it. So now Kate is making juice twice a day. She asks if I want some juice about five times a day, even though my answer is always ‘sure, as long as it doesn’t have any vegetables in it.’ This machine sounds like a lawnmower fighting with a 747.  Oh, and this juicing robot/countertop stealer is the size of R2D2 and probably has as many working parts. So every morning when I come down to make my oats, it looks like someone has taken apart a ’67 Buick. This is what I mean

Sorry for the poor photo quality. I’m pretty sure that the juice robot ate my camera for fuel, so I had to use my camera phone instead. And regardless of the ingredients, the juice always looks like it should be dumped on top of celebrities at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. I better stop. I could do an entire post on how this juice monster has impacted my life. So thanks Jenna and Fitnessistanissista! 

Caroline at Banana Cabana had a blogger date with GraduateMeghann this week during GM’s trip to California. Caroline and Meghann checked most of the requirements off of their blogger first date checklist. Ethnic food – Check. Ice Cream/Frozen Yogurt – Check. All that was missing was a shopping trip at a crunchy grocery store (they tried but Trader Joes was closed).  Banana Cabana is a new blog for me. Caroline wrote one of the funniest comments I’ve ever read the other day on Healthy Tipping Point, so I figured I’d have to start reading her blog. I’m sad that I just started reading, because Banana Cabana should’ve made my list of blog names that sort of sound like porn.  

And how many more years do you think Meghann can squeeze out of the GraduateMeghann name?  I mean, sure, she’ll always be a college graduate, but it would be sort of silly to refer to herself as such when she’s 47, right? I’d say she’s got two more years as GraduateMeghann. So if in two more years she still wants to use the GraduateMeghann domain name, I think she’ll have to go back to school for grad school. That would help her squeeze a few more years out of that name.

It was a good week in Hangryland. ‘She says’ made some Cadbury Mini Egg Cookie Bars. She has also taken on one of my pet causes: making seasonal holiday candies available year-round. So Ms. Hangry - I think we need to find like-minded bloggers who also want to support this cause. Maybe we can use blog revenue to hire a lobbyist. I don’t have any blog revenue, so I guess my contribution will be to come up with a list of candies that need year-round shelf space. So far I’ve got:

1. All Easter Candy: Peeps, Cadbury Everything, Peanut Butter Eggs (I know it’s just a peanut butter cup, but it tastes better when shaped like an egg), and everything in the jelly bean family.
2. McDonald’s Shamrock Shake - I know it’s not really candy, but it’s my list
3. Chocolate Santas - I never eat these, but they always look so damn jolly. I just like seeing them on the store shelves. 

Mr. Hangry (Hangryman?) gave an update on his salad challenge. I don’t understand how these challenges work. Is there a prize at the end? Do you at least get a certificate of completion or a participant ribbon. I think if you’re able to eat a salad every day for two weeks, then you should get a prize. I propose a $50 bill and a Schwinn bicycle. It’s like hitting bucket #6 on the grand prize game. I’ll call The Bozo Show and see if that’s available. None of those little kids ever make it to bucket 6, so they have to have a bunch of bikes just laying around in the studio. If you didn’t grow up watching Bozo, this paragraph probably didn’t make any sense to you. Sorry about that. Hangryman had a Coneheads reference in his post, so I thought Bozo would be alright/less obscure, no?

Now we need to get serious. There have been multiple instances of trunk on blogger violence over the past week. Caitlin Tipping Point had to go all Rachel Ray on her trunk and cover it in EVOO in order to get it to open and release her groceries. Kelsey at Bites and Bowls was essentially assaulted by her trunk. I mean, her trunk literally punched her in the face. How does that even happen? Kate works with the elderly and swears that most bad things happen in threes, so I’m sort of scared that the trunk on blogger violence isn’t over yet. Kate is usually talking about old people dying in threes, but I bet it applies to trunk violence as well. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Matt at Brew and Bake gave me my first official free stuff. It was a blondie from Great Harvest. I’d show a picture of it, but I couldn’t find the camera and I got hungry. So instead, here’s a picture of the bag that it came in, as well as the note that Matt wrote on it. 

If you can’t read that, it says “Because I don’t ever want to be called out on the internet for not bringing you blondies.” At least we know his heart is in the right place. I feel like I’ve really made the big time now. My first official free blog stuff. Damn. Maybe I should’ve given it away on the blog. Maybe next time. 

Stock Up

Buitoni Wild Mushroom Agnolotti – At first I was a little jealous when I saw that the foodbuzz fairy visited much of the blogworld and gave this stuff to everyone. But then I learned that Kate has as much trouble pronouncing Buitoni as she does pronouncing Fitnessissta. So at least it was entertaining. 

Chia Seeds – What the hell are these? Is this the same stuff that I plastered onto my Chia Pet? Because it clearly said on the box that you’re not supposed to eat that stuff. 

Mix My Granola – I entered at least 17 comment contests to try to score some of this stuff. Stupid random number generator has it in for me. And I already had my mix picked out. It was gonna be gin, vermouth, and an olive. Or does it have to include granola?

Blogapalooza Surveys – I guess it is also being referred to as the Blogger Summit. I have heard more about this upcoming summit than I have heard about Jane Seymour’s tacky looking ‘Open Hearts’ collection at Kay Jewelers. Sorry about that tangent…back to Blogapalooza…whatever you want to call it, I’m so there. Wherever ‘there’ is. Y’all coming with me?

Kale Chips

Cocoanut Milk/Meat/Water. All things coconut. 

Stock Down

the –ie suffex – as in brekkie, and Sammie. Ladies, we’ve already discussed this. Now we’ve added grapie to the list? Where does this end? As I say to my three year old neice…use your big girl words.

Sugar – Everyone seems to be giving up/cutting back on sugar. But didn’t y’all give up high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners already? What’s left?

Blogger’s Choice Awards – Stock down because I’m not winning yet, and Kath’s not winning yet either. What’s up with that? I’m losing to a blog about funny cakes. This cannot be. Vote for my other blog here and vote for KERF here. It we win, this one might make stock up in a future week

Note: This was originally posted at http://yourselfinfiveyears.blogspot.com/

Greetings, and welcome to the second weekly food blog roundup. Thanks for coming back. It’s been an exciting week in Food Blog World, and I’ll do my best to take you around in the next 1000 words or so. I’ve decided to change it up a bit and go for more short reviews, instead of a handful of really long ones. We’ll see how that goes. I usually just start rambling, so that might not work. Here. We. Go.

Kelsey at Bites + Bowls had a very busy week. In addition to wearing some Flashdance-style leggings, she also tried on 17 different colors of nail polish and took about 15 inappropriate pictures of fruit and veggies. Since Kelsey doesn’t eat mammal, there is usually fruit and/or veggies with every meal. This means three opportunities per day for phallic fruit and veggie placement. Oh, and she also became the first food blogger to take a picture of her dirty laundry. Congrats, Kelsey. Bites and Bowls was also under attack this week by a Negative Nancy commentor. There were like five consecutive posts when the same person kept writing nastygrams about pretty much everything. So I had to put on my disguise as my blog commentor alter ego/sassy middle-aged woman (this time I was named Marge) and come to the rescue. Marge saved the day and once again stopped the advances of Negative Nancy.

VeggieGirl – I hope your VeggieCameraman/VeggieDad is feeling better. He didn’t sound too good on your last video. I could send you some Robitussin or maybe some Sucrets or something. I’m hoping it’s just a springtime cold, and not a ventilation problem in the VeggieGirl kitchen/VGTV Studios. Oh, and VeggieGirl, my blondies have not arrived yet. What does a girl have to do to get some VeggieGirl blondies? Everyone else in Blogland seems to have received their VeggieGirl Blondies, and mine are nowhere to be found. Did you lose my address already? And why doesn’t my cable package come with VeggieGirl TV? I get Starz 8 in HD and four shopping channels, but no VeggieGirl TV. That ain’t right. Time Warner - If you’re listening, can you please add VeggieGirl TV to my channel lineup?

Caitlin at Healthy Tipping Point is considering a move to Charlotte. I am 100% in favor of this move. If it helps make your decision, I’ll let you refer to me as “Replacement Meghann” after you move. I’m cool with it, really. Caitlin had the first food blog night that I could actually relate to on Saturday. It involved onion rings, watching basketball,  and drinking beers. Not just A beer, but beers plural. Then you had to ruin it by running 10 miles while listing to the Twilight Soundtrack. Why must you torment me like this? You can move here if you want, but you better leave those damn vampire friends in Florida. Caitlin also finished her 30 day shred. Finally! I was exhausted just from reading about it.

On a Lobster Placemat. Okay, so I haven’t started reading this one yet, but I really dig the name and Kate likes your blog. Most of these food blogs seem to follow a pretty consistent naming convention of [Name/Nickname] + [What I like to Do] OR [ Name + What I like to Eat] OR [Some Noun and Verb Combo]. And then out of nowhere comes this fantastic abstract blog name that I really don’t understand. This is the food blog equivalent of Pearl Jam’s “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” in a sea of one word song titles like Daughter, Jeremy, Alive, and Black. I will start reading your blog, just because of the name. And because you play with your food.

Super Caloric Chalk Dust is also a pretty fantastic blog name. I also feel like SCCD must live in one of those cities where companies  test out all of their new products before launching them across the country. That’s the only theory I can come up with, because I spend a lot of time at the grocery store, and I’ve never seen half of the products that you’ve tried this week. Doritos Collisions? Jelly Belly Pudding? Aloe Juice? Where do you find these treasures, and have they been approved by the FDA? I get scared when you go a couple of days without posting. I start to think that maybe one of these experimental/only available wherever the heck you live foods caused some significant health issue that is keeping you from your blogging responsibilities. Or maybe you just have other stuff to do.

ZestyCook – So I finally started reading this one so I have more to talk about than his beautiful bald head, but then I got sidetracked. I saw that you made a chocolate cake and used a Skor Bar as a topping. They still make Skor bars? I thought those went the way of the Rollerblade. Maybe they just started selling them in Canada and stopped U.S. distribution. Which reminds me – do they still sell Clearly Canadian in Canada? Because that stuff kicked ass. So if you can get your hands on some Clearly Canadian, you can send it my way. It would go really well with VeggieGirl’s blondies (which should totally be here by now).

The Fitnessista got a shout-out in one of her favorite (and my favorite) magazines this week – Glamour. My favorite part of Glamour (and Cosmo) is taking their little quizzes. It always comes back with results like “you really need to work on pleasing your man” or “you are a strong independent woman.” I’m starting to think that maybe those quizzes aren’t designed for men who are just killing time at the grocery store checkout. Anyway, Fitnessista’s Glamour quote had something to do with healthy living and loving your body. I didn’t really read it. But I did see that she said something about doing Zumba. Kate and I tried doing Zumba once in South Beach with my Uncle Joe and Aunt Rolando. It was not pretty. My uncles were Zumba professionals and we were not.  I think Kate and I were both two entire songs behind the rest of the class. I also like Fitnessista because Kate can’t even come close to pronouncing her blog’s name correctly. So I like to ask Kate what she’s looking at (while I know she’s looking at Fitnessista) just to hear the pronunciation.  Kate’s version includes about 12 S’s and 6 I’s.

Matt at Brew and Bake just posted his 7th step in his how to home brew series. 7 steps and we can’t even drink the beer yet! I’ve decided that if anything takes more than three steps to explain, I’m probably just going to buy it instead. Or, I’ll just hang out in Matt’s garage when he gets to the ‘bottling’ step. And when he goes in to type out his blog post, I’ll just take the beer. Probably shouldn’t have written that plan down – there goes the element of surprise.

Stock Up/Stock Down – With Commentary. Sometimes.

Stock Up

Green Smoothies – Yeah, somebody thought it was a good idea to put spinach or kale in a smoothie. I’m sure it’s pretty healthy. It’s been a great weight loss tool for me. No, I haven’t tried one of these, but Kate has jumped on the bandwagon, and every time I see the post-Green Smoothie Blender in my kitchen I start to throw up in my mouth and skip my next meal. Thanks ladies!

Kombucha – So it costs like $3.50 and tastes like garbage water…what’s not to love? Oh, and it’s the only drink I’ve found that still doesn’t taste good, even after you mix it with alcohol.

April Fools Jokes – Seriously… saying you ate something fried or had fast food is not enough. Ladies, this is your one day out of the year when you can lie and nobody can get mad at you. Go out on more of a limb. Next year I’m expecting a food blogger to say they were coked out with Lindsay Lohan or huffed gasoline for breakfast with an Olson twin. 

Breakfast Cookies - I stopped getting excited when I found it they weren’t talking about Oreos

Stock Down

Pistachio Nuts - This latest recall hit the food blogging community very hard. We’re going to pull through this. I promise.

Exercise-related injuries - Everyone seems to be magically healed now.

30 Day Shred – Level II - That was so last week.

Using the terms ’sammie’ and ‘brekkie’ - Specifically for sandwich and breakfast. Actually stock is way up on these two. I just really want it to stop. So I thought maybe putting them in the stock down category would lead to their demise - at least on this side of the Atlantic.

That’s all for this week. I should be back next Friday. Give me a couple weeks and this food blog roundup will have its own blog. It’ll probably have a weekly long post and then some shorter stuff on a daily basis. The new design will be fun, flirty, and feminine with a spunky edge. Not really. I actually just stole that from a food blog.  A free VeggieGirl blondie to the first person who can tell me where I stole that last line. I’m lying about the blondie too, but curious if anyone can name that blog. 

Alright, time to go.  See y’all next week.