The BlogStalker

Hi Friends,

Welcome back. Seems like we just talked. Now I’m back on track, so hopefully I can stick to my rigorous 1 post/week schedule. We’ll see how that goes. Hmm…trying to think of interesting things that have happened since my last post. Oh, here’s one…

Kelsey of Bites and Bowls fame is moving to a new place. She’s out of town and needed someone to help move some possessions (couch, bed, etc). This is right in my wheelhouse, as two of my greatest skills are lifting heavy things and reaching tall things, so I was more than happy to help her out. Problem is that her possessions > Size of my SUV. So this meant renting a truck. No big deal…figured I’d get the little truck and it would be fine. Turns out that they don’t rent the little trucks for in-town moves. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how that could make any sense at all. Still working on it. Anyway, I got to drive the big 16 foot yellow truck through Uptown Charlotte. During the lunch hour. When most of the roads that I needed to drive on were under construction. Or closed. Or were one way streets with the cars going in the opposite direction. Now I consider myself a pretty good driver. No accidents or speeding tickets in 13 years of driving. But I never did figure out if there’s a way to make a right turn in the big yellow truck without taking out the curb or the people that are standing on it. So I have a new-found respect for real truck drivers, and I’ll probably stop pumping my fist when I pass them (trying to get them to honk) as they have more important things to focus on, and most people grow out of that when they turn 10. Oh, and the moving was totally worth it, as Kelsey had left beer and barney butter for met at her new place. And she gave me some Great Harvest blondies that Matt made. I must say that they were every bit as good as a VeggieGirl blondie. Actually, I can’t say that, because I still haven’t tried these VG Blondies (hint) that everyone else speaks of, but these were good blondies.

In other news, Kate picked up this new shampoo at the store. She wanted me to mention that it was free with a rebate.

Sorry for the poor photo quality. If you can’t read that, it says it includes coconut milk and egg white proteins. It just so happens that I was making brinner last night and was short 1 egg from making the ideal omelette. The thought crossed my mind to supplement my eggs with some of this shampoo. I mean, it says it includes egg whites and milk, which is what I was looking for. I decided that the shampoo might include other ingredients as well, so I did not make a shampoo omelette. I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind at a future brinner.

Hmm…trying to think if anything else exciting happened this week. I think I only left the house by car one other time since the last time I blogged, so I got nothin. Guess I’ll get going with the blog review.

Jenn from Eating Bender is in Maui with Ma Bender and she’s even blogging from vacationland. This shows true dedication to the blog, something that I clearly don’t have. Now I’ve actually been pretty anti-Hawaii when people suggest it as a potential vacation spot. That’s probably an understatement. I react to the Hawaii suggestion the same way that Kate reacts when someone mentions Angelina Jolie. I don’t know what it is, but I have no urge to go to Hawaii. It’s mostly because when I hear my coworkers or friends talk about their trips to Hawaii, it seems like there’s some kind of vacation checklist - like a list of 5-7 touristy things that every mainland tourist does when they go to Hawaii. It usually goes something like “volcano, blah blah blah, luau, blah blah pig and hula dancers and fire, blah blah seven sacred somethings, blah blah oh and the pineapple at the hotel blah blah.” I’m sure there are thousands of fun things to do in Hawaii, but it seems like everyone does the same five things. So my anti-Hawaii feelings are driven by either this tourist checklist theory, or some fear that I’ll end up like one of the Real World Hawaii cast members. Either a trainwreck like Ruthie or a completely unwatchable assbag like Colin/Amaya. But then Bender did her first vacation post and I thought “hmm, Hawaii looks nice” so maybe I’m getting over it. I think it was the pizza. Anyway, thanks for changing my thoughts on this Bender.

Mark Hangry (from Hangry and Hangry, LLC) is giving away a cookbook in this post. I’m not a really big cookbook reader. For me, it’s sort of like the owner’s manual in my car. I can read through it and look at the pictures, but at the end of the day, I’ll probably just outsource the actual work. I read enough to know that I’m not capable of doing what needs to be done. But this looks like an interesting cookbook. Mr. Hangry mentions that there is a toilet paper icon next to recipes that make you go. I think restaurant menus should offer the same thing. Mark Hangry also came up with a creative entry process for joining his contest. None of this add me to your blogroll nonsense for the Hangrys. No, you have to come up with a poem about the blogger to enter. I’m a big fan of creative contest requirements like this. Links and tweets are not the only currency that we can use for contests, blogland. So please take Mr. Hangry’s lead and come up with creative rules and regs for your free shiz giveaways.

Everyone’s favorite Homegirl had a nice post about babysitting. It was one of those posts that makes you want to be a little kid again. I want to sit in a wagon and eat ice cream while someone pulls me to the park. Although that would be pretty strange at my current age and size.  She mentioned that one of the kids was going to Circus Camp, which sent me into flashback mode. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but I spent the majority of my childhood as a circus performer. You can get all of the details of my circus life in this post. I have hung up my sequins and spandex (to the delight of anyone who has their sight), but I will occasionally still juggle. Like after a few drinks at Universal Studios CityWalk when I want to show up a clown with my skills. I never miss an opportunity to show up a clown. That’s not slang…I mean a guy wearing face paint and making animal balloons. I hate clowns.

Rose from On a Lobster Placemat (my favorite blog name ever) did something interesting at the end of this post. She asked for male readers to de-lurk and introduce themselves. I proudly followed her orders and identified myself. I think men are an underrepresented group in food blog land. My working theory is that readership skews about 90/10 female. I have absolutely nothing to base this on. The only guys that comment on my blog are related to me, friends of mine, or other bloggers that I write about. So I’ll steal Rose’s idea. Male blogstalker readers, please identify yourself. Female readers, do the same thing. This way I’ll end up with lots of comments, and it’ll make this blog look popular.

In other news, I have grown increasingly jealous of Jenna from Eat, Live, Run for landing an interview for the coolest job in the world. You can read about it in this post. From what I gather, a winery in Napa is interviewing Jenna and some other people (who I’m also jealous of) for a job where they use their social media influence to promote the winery. It involves hanging out in Napa and getting paid good money to blog/tweet/post about wine. Um, yes please. At first I thought this would be the perfect job for me. I mean, I like drinking wine, I love Napa, and I sort of work in social/interactive/online stuff with my real job. Then I thought about it, and figured that it would lead to increased drogging, and that all of my tweets would probably just be quotes from Sideways - quotes that out of context could be viewed as vulgar and offensive. So I’d probably get fired. Best of luck to Jenna in landing the job, as it would be an awesome opportunity and may lead to some wine giveaways on ELR. I usually don’t enter contests, but if wine is involved, I’ll make an exception.

Stock Up

Protein Powder - Blogland is bulking up with muscles like Major League Baseball in the 1990s. This could lead to a new foodbuzz steroid policy. Let’s hope that Barney Butter doesn’t end up on the banned substances list.

Spinoff Blogs - Like Operation Beautiful and Green Monster Movement - which seem to be successful spinoffs (like Frasier). I’m having trouble keeping up one blog, so don’t expect a blogstalker spinoff anytime soon.

Blogger Meet-ups - Well, not really a trend, but we’re going to dinner with KERF, Pinky, and the C&C Blogging Factory tonight, so that counts, right?

Biking - I think it has something to do with the Tour de France.

Apple(s) - Both the technological and edible kinds. Most bloggers are getting their recommended apple a day. And those who aren’t eating their apples are playing with their iPhones or trying to win a MacBook Pro.

Stock Down

Television viewing options - I’m done with Summer re-runs. I need my housewives to return. And Jon and Kate. And 30 Rock. I could go on, but you get the idea.

The Today Show - I love my Matt and Meredith time (and Hoda and Kathie Lee) but this has been a bad week. Al is on vacation, and I don’t think Willard even did his smuckers birthday list this week.

Juicing - Our juicer is collecting dust, and Fitnessestenista had a near juicing disaster. I expect juicing to make a strong comeback in the upcoming weeks.

The Sun - I haven’t seen it yet this week. Maybe because it has been really cloudy. Or maybe because I haven’t left the house much.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. See you next Friday, and we’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for stopping by. How was your week? Good…glad to hear it. Pretty good week here. To follow up on last week’s recap, I survived my meeting with the doctor on Wednesday. No horrible illnesses or diseases, so that’s cool. The doctor did say that he’d like to see me lose a little weight. To which I replied “yeah, me too.” I’m glad that I’m on the same page as my medical professional. See you next year, doctor. Enjoy the $25 copay.

I’m sorry to report that I won’t be posting next week. Actually, I’m not sorry at all. Kate and I are heading to Cabo for the next 10 days or so. I’ll have limited access to phone, email, and sobriety. Hmm, maybe I should put that as my out of office message. Nah…probably not. Might not have a job to come back to if I did that. Anyway, I doubt I’ll be spending a whole lot of time reading blogs in the next week or so. I’ll be back with my weekly recap on the 26th, as long as I don’t end up with Swine Flu or something.

Alright. One sort of funny story and then we’ll get to the blog review. Kate spent the last couple of evenings googling Gilbert’s dog breed (in between looking at all of your blogs, of course). Searches included: Shar Pei Rat Terrier, Rat Pei, and Shar Terrier. Then she’d find pictures of similar looking dogs, and would show them to Gilbert. Usually saying things like “Gilbert, come look at your sister.” Then she mentioned that she wanted to find Gilbert’s family so we could have a reunion. So totally joking, I recommended that she check out ancestry.com to find Gil’s relatives and then I went back to watching bad television. About ten minutes later, Kate says “I don’t think this is going to work…it’s just stuff about people and their ancestors.” Apparently she thought I was serious and had looked for Gilbert’s ancestors online. That was probably the highlight of my week. Okay, now time for the blog review.

Kelsey from Bites and Bowls has taken the top spot away from Hangry Pants, which means I got some free shiz. Kind of, but not really. Kelsey jacked one of my Smart Ones on Saturday night/Sunday morning, which you can read about in this post. To repay me, she brought over a box of Twilight-Inspired Conversation Hearts. They came in a box with the dreamy Edward Cullen on the package, and the hearts said things like “Bite Me” and “Live Forever.” They were delicious, even though it’s four months after their originally scheduled consumption date. So thanks B+B for the free shiz. In that post by Kelsey, you’ll notice that she and I sang karaoke backup to Matt last weekend on Nuthin’ But a G Thang. I volunteered to sing the Dre parts, which I thought meant I’d just say ‘hell yeah’ in a low voice over and over again. Turns out that Dre actually has a verse. Oh, and I also found out that if there’s a ‘radio friendly’ (or wal-mart friendly) version of a song, then that’s probably the version that the karaoke guy will have. I was singing the album version. So I’d like to apologize to the patrons of the Yellow Rose for my bad language, but I think I was singing the song in the way that Dre and Snoop wanted it to be sung. Except for the whole drunk white guy in a dive bar in suburban Charlotte North Carolina part. Hell yeah.

Emily at Super Caloric Chalk Dust tagged me in this post, which appears to be some kind of chain letter/post. I heart Super Caloric, but I’m not really a chain letter responder kind of guy, so I’m just going to talk about Emily and her blog and we’ll say that I’ve fulfilled my chain letter duties, okay? That way, if this is really some kind of scam, then I won’t be considered an accomplice. As far as I can tell, the only difference between a chain letter and a pyramid scheme is that nobody gets rich with a chain letter. People just end up giving personal details (like their lack of at home pants wearing) instead of ending up with mad loot.  And for this chain blog thing to take off, they should probably include some threat of dismemberment or disfigurement. Those both seem like good motivators for old school chain letters. Like send a pair of flip flops to 10 of your best friends or else you’ll get the hiv or something.  So I’m going to make my own rules instead. By being tagged, it means I should stop eating peaches, and should go on vacation and sit on the beach for a couple of weeks. Okay…sold.

Tina at Carrots ‘n’ Cake made some dong-shaped cupcakes in this post. At first I thought this was really out of character for the C ‘n’ C blogging factory. I mean she usually does nice things like pictures of parks in Boston and funny stories about Mal, and out of nowhere come these iced dongs. But then I read the post, and it turns out that it was part of a bachelorette weekend party thing. This makes sense. Bachelorette parties are one of only three scenarios where graphic depictions of man junk are socially acceptable. The others are junior high (sex ed class) and episodes of Oprah when Dr. Oz is the guest. That damn Dr. Oz is always talking about man bits. Speaking of  sex ed…did I ever tell y’all that my dad was my sex ed teacher in Jr. High? I can’t remember if that was on this blog or another blog. Anyway, this is reason #1 why I haven’t been embarrassed since 7th grade. Nothing tops that. Nothing.

Speaking of wangs, Snackface made a pretty fantastic reference to Trey MacDougal’s flaccidity in this post. I know, this post is more than a week old, but it was probably the funniest thing that I read this week, and it’s my blog, so I’m making an exception and including it in the weekly roundup. Mostly because I’m planning on stealing this line and calling anything limp ‘Trey-Like’ from now on. We’ll see if it sticks. Cut to my favorite scene from Mean Girls when Regina George says ’stop trying to make fetch happen.’ Say what you want about LiLo, but Mean Girls is one of the best movies in the history of the world. Ever. And shame on me for just now writing about Snackface…there’s no excuse for that. I mean, she has SATC references in her posts, she attends Matt Lauer’s alma mater, and she hangs out with homegirl. How did it take me 12 installments to write about her? I say again, shame on me.

Stock Up

Amazing Wheat Grass - Really? We’re drinking grass now? I’ll take healthy eating stereotypes for $200, Alex. This is like a bad commercial for a casual dining establishment. Like the family goes to the health food restaurant and everyone is drinking grass, then the dad makes a stupid face so the family goes to Flingers for some jalapeno poppers or something instead. Ugh.

Blogapalooza References - This is pretty much the social event of the summer. I’m looking forward to this almost as much as the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Healthy Twilight Pancake had a nice post about it where she asked readers which bloggers they wanted to meet. I almost signed in under random names to stuff the ballot in my favor.

Free Shiz - Not for me, but there are some contests worth mentioning. The Professional Vegan is giving away some books…Fast Food Nation and Food Inc. I didn’t know they wrote books about those movies, but you can find out the details here. In other free shiz news, Kori at All things B is giving away some of that Amazing Grass in this post. In other news, I’m going to mow my lawn on Saturday before we leave town, so I’ll be having a grass giveaway as well if you want to come over and pick up the clippings. It’ll save me some raking.

Summer haircuts - I’d like to think that this is because I got my fro cut off last week, but I doubt I’m really a trendsetter here. Post-Graduate Meghannnn and birthday girl Jenna were among the multiple bloggers who got ‘em all cut this week. Am I really talking about the hair cutting schedules of people I’ve never met before. What the hell is wrong with me? But if I meet them all at blogapalooza, it won’t be quite as creepy, right?

Stock Down

Mean Anonymous Comments - Actually there have been way too many of them recently, but I give them a big thumbs down. If you want to be a wanker and get into a comment pissing match, go to a political or news blog or something. Anonymous mean comments on food/health blogs are just dumb. Props to Fitnestestinesstia and her pilot on the way they handled this one. Critical comments are okay. Just leave your name so we can engage in a healthy dialogue. Or so I can leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep.

Gluten - I really don’t know what gluten is, but people seem to be avoiding it. I could google it and find out what it is, but  I’m a firm believer that for everything I learn, I forget another thing, and I don’t want to forget anything,  And please don’t try to educate me via comments, or else I’ll forget my 2nd grade teacher’s name.

Soy - People seem to be anti-soy this week as well. I’m alright with that, as long as it just means I should avoid faux meat (like Soy Burgers and Soy Sausage). Consider it done. But don’t make me give up my soy sauce and edamame. Can we make an exception there?

Foods that end in consonants - I’m not sure why, but there have been lots of posts about foods that end with vowels. A prime example of this is Rose’s Frittata and Scone post. That’s a double word score. Keep in mind that Pat and Vanna are going to charge you $250 apiece for those.

Alright friends. That’s all I’ve got. See you in a couple of weeks. We’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Welcome to my new blog. It’s a hot mess, isn’t it? If you like the design, then I give all the credit to Pinky’s husband, who helped me out big time. Actually he did it all. I just supervised. And by supervise, I mean I drank beer and watched Juno and offered words of encouragement. He was done before with this fancy design before Juno’s third trimester. He’s good with the Word Press and the interweb, so if y’all need help with your blog, you can get in touch with him through Pinky’s blog. If something isn’t working correctly, that’s probably my bad. Let me know and we’ll try to get it fixed. After reading this post, I’d encourage you to take a tour of the blog. But first, let’s do our weekly blog review. 

We’ll start in our nation’s capital with Anna from Blue Plate Special. Anna’s sister Meg wrote a heart wrenching post where she came clean about her gambling addiction. Well, not really, but she did admit to bidding on four items in the recent blogger bake sale, which is sort of like gambling, right? I mean, those are some expensive baked goods. I can see her on the phone with her bookie, saying she’ll take the VeggieGirl blondies plus two, with the juice running at five points a week. Or maybe she’ll bet the over on Tina’s Chocolate Pumpkin Loaf. In other BPS news, Anna has sworn off using cocoa powder in her oats after three unsuccessful attempts. I understand where Anna is coming from on this one. I put a leftover birthday cupcake in my oats the other day. My cupcake oats tasted okay, but then when I wanted to eat my cupcake at lunch, it was already gone. And then I had to explain to Kate where the leftover cupcake went. And it doesn’t matter that I put it in oatmeal, I still ate a cupcake for breakfast.

Speaking of Kate, I would like to thank Jenna and the Fitnessistitanissstasa  for taking away what little counter space I had left in my kitchen. Thanks to the juicing habits of the aforementioned bloggers, Kate has now purchased her own juicer. Awesome. It also happens to be the same model that Jenna has, but Kate swears that’s a complete coincidence. I’m not buying it. So now Kate is making juice twice a day. She asks if I want some juice about five times a day, even though my answer is always ‘sure, as long as it doesn’t have any vegetables in it.’ This machine sounds like a lawnmower fighting with a 747.  Oh, and this juicing robot/countertop stealer is the size of R2D2 and probably has as many working parts. So every morning when I come down to make my oats, it looks like someone has taken apart a ’67 Buick. This is what I mean

Sorry for the poor photo quality. I’m pretty sure that the juice robot ate my camera for fuel, so I had to use my camera phone instead. And regardless of the ingredients, the juice always looks like it should be dumped on top of celebrities at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. I better stop. I could do an entire post on how this juice monster has impacted my life. So thanks Jenna and Fitnessistanissista! 

Caroline at Banana Cabana had a blogger date with GraduateMeghann this week during GM’s trip to California. Caroline and Meghann checked most of the requirements off of their blogger first date checklist. Ethnic food – Check. Ice Cream/Frozen Yogurt – Check. All that was missing was a shopping trip at a crunchy grocery store (they tried but Trader Joes was closed).  Banana Cabana is a new blog for me. Caroline wrote one of the funniest comments I’ve ever read the other day on Healthy Tipping Point, so I figured I’d have to start reading her blog. I’m sad that I just started reading, because Banana Cabana should’ve made my list of blog names that sort of sound like porn.  

And how many more years do you think Meghann can squeeze out of the GraduateMeghann name?  I mean, sure, she’ll always be a college graduate, but it would be sort of silly to refer to herself as such when she’s 47, right? I’d say she’s got two more years as GraduateMeghann. So if in two more years she still wants to use the GraduateMeghann domain name, I think she’ll have to go back to school for grad school. That would help her squeeze a few more years out of that name.

It was a good week in Hangryland. ‘She says’ made some Cadbury Mini Egg Cookie Bars. She has also taken on one of my pet causes: making seasonal holiday candies available year-round. So Ms. Hangry - I think we need to find like-minded bloggers who also want to support this cause. Maybe we can use blog revenue to hire a lobbyist. I don’t have any blog revenue, so I guess my contribution will be to come up with a list of candies that need year-round shelf space. So far I’ve got:

1. All Easter Candy: Peeps, Cadbury Everything, Peanut Butter Eggs (I know it’s just a peanut butter cup, but it tastes better when shaped like an egg), and everything in the jelly bean family.
2. McDonald’s Shamrock Shake - I know it’s not really candy, but it’s my list
3. Chocolate Santas - I never eat these, but they always look so damn jolly. I just like seeing them on the store shelves. 

Mr. Hangry (Hangryman?) gave an update on his salad challenge. I don’t understand how these challenges work. Is there a prize at the end? Do you at least get a certificate of completion or a participant ribbon. I think if you’re able to eat a salad every day for two weeks, then you should get a prize. I propose a $50 bill and a Schwinn bicycle. It’s like hitting bucket #6 on the grand prize game. I’ll call The Bozo Show and see if that’s available. None of those little kids ever make it to bucket 6, so they have to have a bunch of bikes just laying around in the studio. If you didn’t grow up watching Bozo, this paragraph probably didn’t make any sense to you. Sorry about that. Hangryman had a Coneheads reference in his post, so I thought Bozo would be alright/less obscure, no?

Now we need to get serious. There have been multiple instances of trunk on blogger violence over the past week. Caitlin Tipping Point had to go all Rachel Ray on her trunk and cover it in EVOO in order to get it to open and release her groceries. Kelsey at Bites and Bowls was essentially assaulted by her trunk. I mean, her trunk literally punched her in the face. How does that even happen? Kate works with the elderly and swears that most bad things happen in threes, so I’m sort of scared that the trunk on blogger violence isn’t over yet. Kate is usually talking about old people dying in threes, but I bet it applies to trunk violence as well. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Matt at Brew and Bake gave me my first official free stuff. It was a blondie from Great Harvest. I’d show a picture of it, but I couldn’t find the camera and I got hungry. So instead, here’s a picture of the bag that it came in, as well as the note that Matt wrote on it. 

If you can’t read that, it says “Because I don’t ever want to be called out on the internet for not bringing you blondies.” At least we know his heart is in the right place. I feel like I’ve really made the big time now. My first official free blog stuff. Damn. Maybe I should’ve given it away on the blog. Maybe next time. 

Stock Up

Buitoni Wild Mushroom Agnolotti – At first I was a little jealous when I saw that the foodbuzz fairy visited much of the blogworld and gave this stuff to everyone. But then I learned that Kate has as much trouble pronouncing Buitoni as she does pronouncing Fitnessissta. So at least it was entertaining. 

Chia Seeds – What the hell are these? Is this the same stuff that I plastered onto my Chia Pet? Because it clearly said on the box that you’re not supposed to eat that stuff. 

Mix My Granola – I entered at least 17 comment contests to try to score some of this stuff. Stupid random number generator has it in for me. And I already had my mix picked out. It was gonna be gin, vermouth, and an olive. Or does it have to include granola?

Blogapalooza Surveys – I guess it is also being referred to as the Blogger Summit. I have heard more about this upcoming summit than I have heard about Jane Seymour’s tacky looking ‘Open Hearts’ collection at Kay Jewelers. Sorry about that tangent…back to Blogapalooza…whatever you want to call it, I’m so there. Wherever ‘there’ is. Y’all coming with me?

Kale Chips

Cocoanut Milk/Meat/Water. All things coconut. 

Stock Down

the –ie suffex – as in brekkie, and Sammie. Ladies, we’ve already discussed this. Now we’ve added grapie to the list? Where does this end? As I say to my three year old neice…use your big girl words.

Sugar – Everyone seems to be giving up/cutting back on sugar. But didn’t y’all give up high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners already? What’s left?

Blogger’s Choice Awards – Stock down because I’m not winning yet, and Kath’s not winning yet either. What’s up with that? I’m losing to a blog about funny cakes. This cannot be. Vote for my other blog here and vote for KERF here. It we win, this one might make stock up in a future week

Note: The following was originally posted on http://yourselfinfiveyears.blogspot.com/

Hello, and welcome to the first (and potentially last) edition of the YIFY Food Blog Roundup. This could probably go in a couple of directions from here. Either it could become wildly popular and create it’s own spin-off blog, or I could offend a bunch of people that I don’t even know, feel guilty about it, and then go back to blogging about my dog or hard alcohol. Only time will tell. A few of the ground rules:

1. Blogs were selected at random. And by random I mean I’m commenting on the handful that I read regularly, or those that seem to be popular because they get frequent shout-outs in the blogs that I read.

2. If you have your own food blog that you want to be included, or, if there’s one that you read and you want me to comment on it, just leave it as a comment. No promises here - remember that this might be the last edition.

3. I’m not trying to be an ass. Really. This is about as edited/filtered as I get. Sorry if it is still in some way offensive. This is the first post where Kate actually has editorial control. Mostly because she’s the nicest person that I know.

4. If I write something about you and you don’t like it, you can email me and I’ll edit the post, print a retraction, or apologize profusely - your pick. But if you don’t think it’s too painful, I’d say just laugh it off. There may be some symbiosis here eventually. If we hit the big time, then maybe we can help drive traffic your way.

Alright, now that we’ve got that our of the way, here’s your roundup

Blog: Kath Eats Real Food
Blogger: Kath

Kath returned from Africa last week and got back to her normal blogging schedule. I’m not going to lie…life was a little more difficult when Kath was in Africa. Posts were inconsistent. Matt did his best to fill the Kath shaped hole that was left in blogworld, but it was hard on all of us. And when Kath did post, there were comment battles popping up everywhere. It was very difficult.

But now Kath is back and all is right in blogworld. She had a bunch of contests in the past week. I think it might be related to her trip to Africa. I have a feeling that next week she’s going to announce that she’s actually a Nigerian princess, and if you make a small deposit (of barney butter) into her account, then she can access all of the riches of her motherland and shower you with gold and ivory and probably some oatmeal. Be on the lookout for that, as I think it might be a scam.

Speaking of oatmeal, Kath and Oatmeal were fighting earlier this week. And by fighting, I mean that she chose other breakfast treats for a few days. It was difficult to watch. I felt like I was sitting in the back of the minivan and plugging my ears and saying la la la to myself to drown out the noise of Mom (Kath) and Dad (Oatmeal) fighting. I was worried that I would have to pick sides if they split up for good. I mean, we really like hanging out with Kath and Matt, but Oatmeal and I have such history together. Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. Kath and her oats are reunited once again. 

Did I really just write an entire paragraph about someone else’s relationship with oatmeal?

[Leaving the United States. Driving North. Going through Customs. Welcome to Canada] 

Blog: Oh She Glows
Blogger: Angela

OSG just launched a “Bikini Body Bootcamp” contest. Basically she’s having her readers send in some ‘before’ pictures in bikinis (along with their measurements) and then they’ll have a winner at the end of the thing. I’m trying to figure out how I can show my support. Which of these would be the least creepy?

1. I could take my picture wearing a women’s bikini

2. I could go with imitation being the most sincere form of flattery, and also ask my blog readers to send in bikini pictures

3. I could send in my picture wearing a speedo and an “I Glo” baby tee

I think all of the above are pretty creepy, so maybe I’ll just send in a celebrity bathing suit picture and say its me. I’d probably go with the famous Tyra Banks or Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures or something like that. 

But best of luck to OSG and the rest of the contestants. I know that bikini season is only about three days long in Canada, so hopefully they’ve got the scheduling figured out.

Blog: Zestycook
Blogger: Hmm, Zesty, I guess. Mind if I call you that? Perhaps Zest for short…

I have to admit that I don’t really read this blog. I’m going to start, I just haven’t gotten around to it. But it seems popular and fancy enough so I thought I’d write about it. Also, Zesty is successful in a female-dominated space, and I applaud that. I compare it to my success on the Taylor Swift Karaoke circuit, where it’s usually just me and a bunch of women. But since I don’t read his blog (yet) this is probably going to be a fairly superficial roundup.

I love Zesty’s beautiful bald head - and I don’t care who knows it. Have y’all seen his head? It can be seen in all its glory on the “About Zesty” page. It looks so damn smooth. It’s probably good that we haven’t met yet. I’m 97% sure that I’d start the conversation with “is it cool if I feel your head?” I used to think to myself that I’d much rather have gray hair than go bald, but a couple of things have changed my mind on that topic:

1. I started getting gray hair. And it seems to be coming in on the sides faster than the top. That was not part of the plan. I was hoping for George Clooney, but I’m worried it’s going to be more like Grandpa Munster.

2. I saw Zesty’s glorious bald head, and thought, yeah, that’s definitely better than the Grandpa Munster look that I’m working on right now. 

I promise I’ll stop talking about Zesty’s head soon, but one more thing on that topic. When I was 14 and had to go to the dermatologist, there was a picture hanging on the wall. It was a side by side comparison of a 50-something plains Indian woman, and a 90-something Tibetan monk. The plains Indian woman spent all of her time in the sun so her face looked like an old catcher’s mitt. The Tibetan monk spent all of his time protected from the sun and his bald head looked flawless. For the last 14 years I have been looking for a bald head as flawless as the monk head, and now we have found it…This concludes the somewhat-creepy section of this post where I describe another man’s head.

I promise I’ll actually read the blog next week so I can actually talk about it instead of Zesty’s head. 

[Leaving Canada. Stopping briefly at Duty Free to buy some booze. Next stop = Florida]

Blog: The Inner Workings of a College Graduate
Blogger: Meghann

It’s been a very exciting week for Graduate Meghann readers. At long last, Meghann addressed her relationship status. For those of you who haven’t been following along (shame on you), Meghann has been spotted out with this guy named Derek, since the Valentine’s day time frame, but he has not yet received a title on the blog. So every time Derek and Meghann do something, there are usually a handful of comments saying something like “are you and Derek dating” or “is Derek your boyfriend.” 

Well, Meghann finally cleared this up for us. Sort of. In a recent post, Meghann stated:

“Truth is Derek and I discussed it this weekend and we both honestly do not know what to label each other. We both know that we enjoy each other’s company and that we are just seeing how things move from here. There is no rush to produce labels, so one day at a time people! LOL”

Well, that might be good enough for you two, but those of us in blogworld need a label. It doesn’t even have to be an accurate label, as long as it is used consistently. So if you don’t want to go with ‘Boyfriend’ or ‘Dating’, that’s fine, but give us something. You can call him the Easter Bunny or the Pope or whatever you want - just give the guy/relationship a title. It can be like a game of blog Mad Libs.

In other Graduate Meghann news, Meghann and her Easter Bunny, Derek went rollerblading this week. Wait, what? How did they do that? Did they get into a DeLorian with Michael J. Fox, get it up to 88 miles an hour and set the flux capacitor for 1996? I can’t remember the last time I saw rollerblades, but I’m pretty sure Clinton was in office. I’m not really sure why Rollerblades disappeared. It wasn’t like a better technology came along like with the Zach Morris cell phone or the Betamax or laser disc player. People just stopped using them. But maybe Meghann and her Easter Bunny are bringing them back, and I support that. BTW, spellcheck doesn’t even recognize ‘rollerblades’ as a word anymore.

Blog: Eat, Live, Run
Blogger: Jenna

Alright, this will be a short one…mostly because this post is already too long. I don’t know what happened here. I went out of town last week and Jenna was like the queen of yoga and every post had something to do with yoga. Then I came back and now every post talks about swimming. What the hell did I miss? It’s like someone did a big ’search and replace’ on the entire blog and took out Yoga and replaced it with Swimming. I’ll get over it, but I feel like it was all really abrupt. It’s a good thing that this isn’t a ‘Single White Female’ scenario, otherwise I would’ve already invested in my own yoga mat and personal Yogi, only to have to switch it up and buy goggles now.

In other ELR news, Jenna and her BF were at the beach, and apparently Jenna’s BF is friends with Albert Haynesworth and other professional football players. Now I don’t doubt that it’s true, but it would be an amazingly funny inside joke if it wasn’t. Like he could just give her another random celebrity every week and she would have to weave that person into the blog. Almost like a Barbara Walters-style namedropping (I was horseback riding with the King of Jordan just last week…I was in a hot tub with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck). Also, I’d really like to see a photo of Jenna with Albert Haynesworth. And yes, he’s the one stomping on the other dude’s head. If I was decent with photoshop, I’d make that happen…instead you’ll all just have to imagine it in your mind.

Blogging Trends or Stock up/Stock Down (not sure what to call it yet)

Stock Up
Barney Butter
Tempeh
Commenting with ALL CAPS and plenty of !!!!
Fake signatures at the end of posts
30 Day Shred Level II

Stock Down
Yoga
Protein Powder
Labels for boyfriends
Black tar heroin
30 Day Shred Level I

Stay tuned for next week (or next time that I get around to this) when I’ll review Brew and Bake, Healthy Tipping Point, Bites and Bowls, and whatever other blogs y’all tell me to write about.

That’s all. Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.