The BlogStalker

Hi Friends,

Sorry that I’ve been slacking lately. I don’t really remember why I didn’t blog last Friday. I’m sure I had an excellent excuse at some point, but I can’t think of it right now. I feel like I’ve already paid the price for taking the week off, as I was assaulted on Twitter yesterday by my blogger friends. So sorry about that. I should be able to stick with my one post/week schedule in the future. I’m going to be traveling for work for the next month or so, and that will give me plenty of blogging time. There’s only so much hotel HBO that I can watch in the downtime. Who knows, I might even have time to update my other blog at some point.

So Kate and I went to see Food Inc. a couple of weeks ago. In other news, I haven’t eaten meat in the past 2 weeks. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m a vegetarian now. Especially since I don’t really eat vegetables. I’m sure I’ll go back to eating good meat at some point, but will make informed decisions when I do. It wasn’t really a conscious thing to not eat meat…for the past two weeks, every time I’ve seen meat I’ve sort of thrown up in my mouth a little bit. It  reminds me of undergrad when you’d have a rough Friday/Saturday night that ends with a  conversation with a toilet and a spinning bedroom ceiling.  And then wake up the next morning and see the almost empty bottle on the coffee table and the thought of drinking again makes your stomach hurt. So that’s me and meat right now. Not eating meat has led to some interesting meal decisions, especially since I don’t really like vegetables. Lots of brinner. I think I became the first person in company history to expense a dinner at Waffle House. I’m classy like that.

A little more on Food Inc. It has moved into my list of “Top 5 Really Good Movies that I didn’t enjoy watching at all” which is sometimes referred to as the Schindler’s List List. Not really the feel good buddy pic of the Summer, but worth seeing fo sho. I like lists like this. There’s also the “Songs that should not be played at a strip club” list (I think Tears in Heaven is at the top of that one). There’s also the list of bands/musicians whose music I really like and whose fans I really hate. Oh, and Kate came up with an awesome new list game - scan the gate area before boarding a plane and rank the people that you don’t want to sit next to on the upcoming flight.  Although I have an uncanny ability of ending up next to the person who I ranked in the #1 spot. Eating fried chicken in the middle seat is not okay.

Alright. Just about time for the blog review. No free shiz this week, so the #1 spot is up for grabs. I received some constructive criticism last time I blogged. Leah noted that I talk about the same 5-10 blogs all the time and suggested that I talk about at least one new blog every post. I think that’s a good idea. So I’ll write about Leah’s blog in the #1 spot and then talk about everyone who gave me shit on Twitter yesterday for not blogging. And I’ll try to pick one newbie every week. Thank you Leah…here’s your request, and dedication.

Leah from Leftovers for Lunch made some oatmeal in this post. Fun thing about this blog…if you look at it in Google Chrome or Firefox, the pictures are huge, stretchy, and sort of trippy. It kind of looks like the Black Hole Sun video. There’s my token 90s reference for this post. It looks like Leah had all of the requisite Oatmeal toppings at her disposal. I flew home last night and didn’t remember that I was out of my essential oatmeal toppings (butterscotch chips and heath toffee bits o’ crackle). Between my lack of oatmeal toppings, Hoda being on vacation, and Suze Orman yelling at me on The Today Show, it has been a rough morning. Hopefully it’ll be a good episode of Days of Our Lives today to turn my day around. Only time will tell.

Caitlin Pancake was the first person to yell at me on Twitter last night, so she gets the second spot on this week’s round-up. Caitlin mentioned in this post that she’s working on the final draft of a book proposal and sending it to her agent. I swear…all of these bloggers make me feel like a complete slacker. Book deal? Agent? I can’t even get a post up on a weekly basis. Not to mention my other blog, which I have completely neglected. I guess I could just print out one of my posts and take it to Kinko’s for them to put one of those little spiral spines on it. My posts are long enough that one could be considered a book. But then I’d need to find an agent. Maybe Gilbert is available. Speaking of Gilbert….HTP ended her post by claiming that Maggie is the cutest dog in the world. Maggie is a good looking bitch, but I’m partial to Gilbert, and his future wife, Penny. Please chime in on who you think is the cutest dog. Even if you don’t vote for Gilbert, at least I’ll end up with a bunch of comments and feel popular.

Lobster Rose was the second person to send out a Twitter amber alert yesterday about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Rose played with her food in this post and this post. She is quite the food artist. Not only does her oatmeal cat really look like a cat, but it also relates to the rest of the post (how she found a stray cat, etc). I like to play with my food, but never get more creative then the classic raisin smily face. Usually by the time I make it to the freezer to get my red box of lunch, I’m ready to eat. I often make my smart ones decision based on the estimated cooking time. If the three cheese baked ziti takes four minutes, I’ll likely choose the cheese pizza that only takes three and a half minutes. It’s also super annoying when the meals require removal of the plastic film, then stirring, then more cooking. It’s not like I’m Ina Garten or something…I don’t have time for this additional stirring and plastic film replacement. But Rose does some incredible work with her food art.

The Daily Balance was the next twitterer to ask about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Hmm, looks like it’s one of those blogs where the blogger doesn’t reveal her first name. So I guess I’ll have to make one up. Hmm, let’s go with Six. No real reason, except that she was my favorite character on Blossom. So Six at The Daily Balance does a fashion recap on Fridays where people send in pictures of what they are wearing. I think I should submit a picture of what I’m wearing. Today we’ve got:

Navy Blue T-Shirt: Purchased at 2004 Memphis in May BBQ Festival
Blue Mesh Shorts: Purchased at Nike Outlet Store in 2002
Flip Flops - Purchased in 2006. Haven’t been able to find any size 15s since.
Handbag: Plastic bag from Harris Teeter - used for cleaning up after Gilbert on his daily walk.

I’m sort of a fashion icon. And the songbird of my generation.

Whit at Whit’s Getting Fit also thought that the blogstalker was dead, so she gets the next spot. I think she could send this tomato to the coney island freak show. I think it’s a tomato. It sort of looks like a tomato that is preggers with a chili pepper baby on board. I’m starting to think that there’s something in the water here in Charlotte. The lead story on our local news was about a five-legged puppy. There is currently a custody battle going on between an animal lover and the coney island freak show guy. I think I’ll use our water filter from now on, just to be safe. And yes, this is really the top story on the Charlotte news. A couple of weeks ago they led with the shocking investigative report that showed that a pawn shop owner was selling stolen merchandise. No shit? That’s news? Haven’t these people ever watched Law and Order before? The dead person’s stolen stuff always ends up at a pawn shop.

Last to ask about my whereabouts was AliJag at Green Dog Wine. Don’t make the mistake that I made. Green Dog Wine is not the name of a winery, so you’re wasting your time if you scan the aisles at Trader Joes looking for a bottle of the  Green Dog Wine 2005 Pinot. It doesn’t exist. She just likes green things, dogs, and wine. Ali had some of the funniest blog pictures in this post. Nobody has ever put a baby on my desk. If they did, I think I would spend my time trying to train him to say the things that the baby says on the E*Trade commercials. Hmm, maybe that’s why nobody asks me to babysit. I usually don’t like commercials or shows with talking babies or dogs, but this one is an exception.

Stock Up

Stray Cats - The annoying animals, not the rockabilly band fronted by Brian Setzer.

Blueberries - They are so hot right now. They have taken over the #1 fruit spot from cherries.

Dark Chocolate - Yes please.

BlogHer Attendance - I didn’t get an invite this year. Boo on that. Maybe there will be a BlogHim sometime. A boy can dream.

Sliced Bread - Take that, sandwich thins, pita pockets, and tortillas. Don’t call it a comeback.

Stock Down

Lunchables - Do they still make these? I doubt they ever expire, so they have to have some somewhere.

End of Summer - I’m not quite ready for it yet, so please refrain from saying things like “I can’t believe Summer is almost over” and I’ll just act like it’s not happening.

Martha Stewart - It’s been re-runs for like 6 weeks. Can we get some new episodes, please?

Alright. That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll try to do better next week.

Hi Friends. I hope you all had a nice week. It has been a busy week here. Well, not really, but I’ve done some things that I’ve been putting off for awhile. 

1. Kate and I went and met the new neighbors down the street. They moved in about a month ago, and we wanted to go introduce ourselves for quite some time, as they looked young and childless. That said, we didn’t want to look like the creepy neighbors who are trying too hard to be friends. I’m convinced that it’s impossible to go introduce yourself to new neighbors without looking/acting like a complete jackass. Kate made brownies. I bought beer. I guess we didn’t even need to stick around to say hello…the brownies and beer probably would’ve told them what we’re all about. Anyway,they seem nice. We probably seem crazy. Check that one off the list.

2. I got a haircut. Things were getting pretty out of control. I think this might have been my first haircut since the inauguration, and that was like four months ago. You know you’re looking pretty good when the lady at the haircut place says “I’m guessing you don’t work in an office with other people, do you.” I’m not exactly sure what gave away my work from home lifestyle. I’m guessing it was either the lack of pockets, my 3:00 PM on a weekday walk-in, my urban Amish facial hair, or the Bob Ross style afro. Either way, I’m now about five pounds lighter.

3. I went to the doctor. I’m not sick or anything, but I haven’t been to the doctor for a check-up since the late 1990s. I wish I was exaggerating, but my last physical was in 1998. So this week I went in for the blood work, and then next week is my actual appointment. I’m going to feel like a pretty big chach if el doctor finds something that would’ve been way better to find like five years ago or something. So I’m going to make a deal right here. With blog as my witness, I promise I’ll go to the doctor every year or so, as long as I don’t get stuck with some horrible illness or disease at next week’s appointment. Deal? Cool.

Alright. That’s what I’ve been doing. I also watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I have been looking for a copy of Danielle’s book (Cop Without a Badge) but it’s going for $189 on Amazon. I love my housewives, but not that much.  No new inventions this week, so I’ll just get going to the blog review. 

HangryPants remains in the #1 slot this week, which means I didn’t get any free shiz this week. Anyway, Ms. Hangry is currently getting ready for her “Cleaner Life Month’ which she describes in this post. From what I understand, it has something to do with eating healthy stuff. These month long challenges are great. They seem to fly by, and then the challenge blogger talks about their progress, and I just sit back and think “what the hell did I do in the last 30 days” and it’s usually pretty depressing. I don’t think I’ll be participating, but I’ll be cheering from the sidelines (diet mountain dew in hand).  I’m going to start my own challenge. I’m not going to eat any peaches for the next month. Who’s with me? No real reason, other than the fact that I don’t like eating peaches, but there ya go. Follow me to a peach free June. In other news, Kate told me about some health food guy who said something about how you shouldn’t eat foods that weren’t around 50 years ago. I guess that sort of makes sense for things like gogurt (whatever the hell that is) and other overprocessed stuff. But I doubt the greatest generation sat around drinking vanilla almond milk either, so I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. Alright, I’m rambling now. Next blog…  

Brooke at Homegirl Can Eat wrote a great post about a perverted teacher in this post. If you aren’t reading this blog yet, you really, really should. It’s probably one of the best written blogs out there, even though I don’t understand half the shit that homegirl is talking about (mostly because I’m old). Whenever I go to the mall and start hating ‘those damn teens’ I just think of Homegirl and her good writing, and it makes me not hate the kids as much as I did before. I do often wonder if homegirl’s principal or teachers are aware of the blog and how they feel about it, but I’m sure she has that under control.I’ve noticed that homegirl commentors like to comment using homegirl-speak. That is, they adjust their language and slang to match that of the blog they are reading. I always want to comment on her posts, but I refrain for two reasons:

1. Kate is convinced I’d come off as a creepy old man
2. I’d write something like “Great post, I love how you did XYZ” which would really stand out amongst the comments like “Yay for graduation again! You and mama cynth look gorgey-poo! ” and other comments in Homegirl-speak. So I just lurk instead.

Fortunately the same thing hasn’t caught on here on The Blogstalker, otherwise y’all would comment using my backcountry gibberish and we’d all be a little dumber. So the moral of the story is, read Homegirl’s blog. 

Alli of Green Dog Wine had a busy week. Her blog found a new home (the URL that I used), got a new logo, and it was also her husband’s birthday and she devoted this post to her husband. As I mentioned last week, I’m a big fan of photo trips down memory lane in blogland. Sure, pictures of food are great, but I would much rather look at pictures of people doing funny things. Think of it this way, I wouldn’t go watch a movie about a bowl of oatmeal, but there’s a good chance that I’d go see a romantic comedy involving a man with a mohawk singing karaoke or lifting his wife over her head. So I vote for more personal pictures in blogland. Except on my blog. Because I’m lazy and our camera is pretty lame. But everyone else…please include more pictures. And if they can be photo slide shows with sappy music, that would win you bonus points. Now get to work! Also, I’ve been reading this blog for quite some time and didn’t really know where the name came from. I had some good theories going on in my head, but never thought to look at the ‘about me’ page, which pretty much explains it. I liked my theories better. 

Postgraduate Meghannnn did a recap of the San Diego Marathon in this post. Congrats to Meghannnn and everyone else who completed some sort of distance race this weekend. We were also happy to see that the easter bunny made the trip to San Diego. What really blows my mind is that people are videotaping and twittering while running a damn marathon. I’ve run my share of marathons, but have never videotaped or used any other type of technology during the process. After mile 13, I don’t think that I’d have a single thing to say that would be family friendly - I guess you could call it exercise-induced Tourettes. Also, I think I sweat too much to carry something electronic while running. I’ll just stick to the pictures that the race people take to document how miserable I was feeling during the race. Or I can just think really hard and remember it. 

Stock Up

Graduation - I’m happy for all of the graduating bloggers, I just hope that they keep blogging. See previous post re: not a big fan of change in my blogs.

House/Apartment/Room Tours - There was basically a full episode of Cribs this week. Unfortunately, none of the video tours included classic Cribs cliches like “this is where the magic happens.” I think at least one blogger should have used that line when showing off their kitchen or something.

Detailed Exercise Recaps - Including, but not limited to: calories burned, distance traveled (down to the hundredth or a mile), music listened to, energy foods and drinks consumed, etc. I think you’re burning off calories just doing the exercise recap.

Puffins (the cereal, not the bird) - Always a fan favorite among bloggers, but really growing in popularity in recent weeks. I just can’t eat this stuff. I once saw Puffin on a menu in Iceland, and it wasn’t the cereal. So now I can’t eat the cereal without thinking about people eating the cute little bird, so there’s my excuse. 

Stock Down

Flip Phones - The entire blog world seemed to get on iPhone or Blackberry bandwagon in the last week or two. Still waiting for someone to bring back the Zach Morris brick phone as a retro smart phone

Bagels - Not sure if this is because of the high caloric content, or the fact that it’s national donut day. Mentions to donut day should probably be stock up.

Alltel’s Commercials - Chad (the Alltel guy) is kinda hot and nice enough, but those other jackasses are really pissing me off. Sorry for the bad language, but I’m passionate about this one. Their last two commercials have butchered some pretty funny bits by Chris Farley and Willy Wonka. Sorry…this has nothing to do with blogs or bloggers, but I really really dislike these commercials, especially the Sprint guy.

Drogging - Drogging (drunk blogging) references are still stock up (thanks to Caitlin Pancake), but actual drunk blogging hasn’t been happening as much (as far as I can tell). I would like this to be stock up this weekend - especially for the Charlotte bloggers who are going to dive bar karaoke with me tomorrow night. You know who you are. 

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading, and I’ll try to do better next time.