The BlogStalker

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back, and I’m sorry that I’m a couple of days late with this post. I really have no excuse. I mean, I didn’t even have to work on Friday. Poor form on my part. I’ll try not to let it happen again. I’ll start with giving an update on what I’ve been up to this weekend, and then we’ll get to the blog review. Sound good?

So instead of blogging on Friday, Kate and I spent the day shopping for granite counter tops. Most of you know that Kate and I have been working very hard (with lots of help from my Dad and Home Depot) on updating our 1980s house. We have already performed a brass exorcism, removed the popcorn ceilings, and Kate has painted most of the house.

So operation get-our-house-out-of-1984 is now focused on new counter tops. For those of you who haven’t been shopping for granite, it’s sort of an experience. For me, it was particularly entertaining, since I’m pretty much color blind and don’t really spend a whole lot of time in the kitchen. So I spent most of my time adding insightful commentary, like:

“That looks really heavy. I don’t think I could lift that up by myself” - said when looking at the large slab of granite

“That one looks like the lobby at the Fairmont in San Francisco” - said while looking at some over the top white granite

“My house will be full of granite, marble and onyx” - Said while doing my best impression of Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Instead of blogging on Saturday, I noticed that I was starting to get a lot of spam comments on the blog and I wanted to address that. So I dug into WordPress, and noticed that I could create a blacklist of words for comments - basically a list of naughty words that, when used in a comment, would lead to a comment getting automatically deleted. Creating this list was a fun exercise. I started out just using all of the words that show up in most of the spam comments (viagra, cialis, etc), but then started getting into all of the naughty words that I could think of. I think there are five languages represented in my comment naughty word blacklist. It’s like a potty mouth United Nations. So that took up most of my Saturday - happy birthday America!

As for Sunday…it’s with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of a family treasure. Lawnmower (2004-2009) passed away today in the backyard. I’d like to say that he passed away quietly in his sleep, but instead it was super noisy and embarrassing. Lawnmower and I shared so many great moments. There was my summer-long duel with crazy Indiana neighbor who wanted to have a better lawn than me. Crazy neighbor might have had me beat with his mad edging skillz and Cracker Barrel quality rocking chairs, but he couldn’t compete with the quality work that lawnmower did for me. And then there was the time that I thought I could fill up a camelback with beer for an afternoon of lawn mowing (not as brilliant of an idea as it sounds). Your beer will taste like gatorade, and your gatorade will taste like beer. Hmm, maybe if I had two camelbacks. Anyway…Lawnmower made the trip with us from Indiana, and lived exactly one year at our new house. He joins Weed Wacker (2004-2007) Red Truck (1998 - 2005) and Kate’s Laptop (2006-2007) in joint asset heaven. He is survived by gas can (2004-) and weed wacker #2 (2009-). In lieu of flowers, please send unleaded gasoline or spark plugs. A private ceremony for friends and family will be held at Lawnmower’s final resting place - the crawlspace under the deck. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Alright - time for the blog review now.

Anna at Blue Plate Special gets the top spot, because she sent us some free shiz. She sent us some delicious supercharge me cookies. Because of their name, I treated them like little vitamins. Unfortunately, they did not lead to me going out and running a marathon, but eating one of them did give me the energy to eat another one. So thanks again, Anna.

Anna made the world’s largest salad in this post. Either that, or this is the world’s smallest hand and blackberry. I’m not sure which it is. Sometimes I like to hold those little 6 oz Coke Cans in my hand and act like I’m a giant. I also do the same thing with the mini bottles of booze on airplanes. It’s not very difficult to entertain me. Also, shortly after her green monster, Anna was offered $5000 for this blender on the antiques roadshow.

Hangry Heather showed off her obscure nut butter collection in this post. I’m glad that Heather shared this picture. I’m also glad that Heather mentioned Scurvy…I always try to mention rickets or scurvy, but generally only do so when playing The Oregon Trail. And that usually happened because I’d buy 99 boxes of ammunition and no clothing for the children. This is no way for a banker from Boston to prepare for a trip across the country, which is why Nate Jr. would always end up with cholera or scurvy. I also mention scurvy when talking about the lead singer from the Spin Doctors (he just looked sickly), and he just doesn’t come up much these days. Anyway, I like this picture, because Kate has been falling in love with Polly’s fridge lately, which is super clean. Kate has talked about going with the ‘empty fridge/buy groceries for one day’ method. I don’t see this ending well for me. Neither of us is going to be able to go to the grocery on a daily basis. I can hardly commit to making it to my office every day, and that’s just upstairs. Hell, I can’t even blog every seven days. So please, more pictures of full fridges.

K-Dizzle from K’s Good Eats tackled an important topic in this post. In addition to sharing several mushroom glamour shots (K-Dizzle loves mushrooms - almost as much as the Real Housewives) she also discussed how her dogs are scared of fireworks. We have the same thing going on with Gilbert. This was a big problem when we lived in Indiana, because our hillbilly neighbors considered the 4th of July to be a week-long excuse to set off fireworks. I don’t get it, the duration of the holiday is clearly stipulated in the holiday’s name. It’s the 4th of July, not the “first week of July.” So Gilbert Michael wouldn’t go outside without bribery for a week or so. Fortunately we don’t have the same issue here in NC, or maybe Gilbert is just growing up. He knows he has to step up and be an adult before his upcoming nuptials with Penny. Man, we really need to stop treating that dog like a person. Oh, and a belated happy birthday to K-Dizzle.

Heather from Heat the Salmon Butt jumped on the banana ice cream bandwagon in this post. She also had a birthday party for her dog Einstein. Good to see that we’re not the only ones who treat our dog like a person. I would’ve liked to see the birthday hat on Einstein. We tried to put a birthday hat on Gilbert during my Spongebob party, but he decided to eat the hat instead. That dog loves to eat all paper products (Kate likes to say that he has a paper tooth). I’ve been kind of scared to try the banana soft serve. Several bloggers (Kath, Fitnessestenessa, Heat the Salmon Butt) have referred to it as a life changing experience. As I’ve mentioned before I’m not really a big fan of change, so I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of a commitment. If someone could confirm that it will taste good, but not change my life, I might give it a shot.

Post Graduate Meghannnn is on vacation, which means lots of guest posts. I was happy to see a post by her Easter Bunny, Derek. I like when bloggers have their significant others post for them. Most of them follow the format of: I don’t really pay attention to what I eat, I eat food from boxes, I don’t use all of those fancypants ingredients, I eat healthier because of my blogger, and I can’t believe that my blogging significant other does this posting thing multiple times per day. It’s a pretty solid format. I have enjoyed posts by Oh He Glows, Matt Eats Real Food, Mr. Hangry, and now Graduate Derek. I’m thinking Kate should do a guest post here in the near future. Both because I’m sure she’d do a good job, and because it would give me another week off from posting. A little peer pressure via comments could help make this happen.

Stock Up

Hummus - Good for hummus. It’s a true comeback story…Hummus has fallen on hard times lately, so it’s good to see hummus (both homemade and store-bought) make it to the stock up list again

Chicken Sausages - Not sure if other bloggers were eating them, but I ate enough this weekend to make them stock up

Patriotism - Blogland felt like a Toby Keith song this weekend

Green Monster Variations - Everyone seems to be adding an ingredient here, taking one out there. One of these days someone is going to come up with a combo that blows up their blender like an Indiana meth lab.

Stock Down

Store-bought Ice Cream - Everyone seems to be making their own. This banana stuff is out of control. I might give it a go, if I could also get butterfinger and oreos mixed in, like I do at Cold Stone.

Amazing Grass - It’s still out there, but mentions are down about 30% from last week

PETA Vegan College Cookbook - This was as popular as those Mushroom Ravioli things earlier this year, but haven’t seen it in blogland recently.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got. I’ll try to do better (and get back on schedule) next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back. Sorry that I haven’t posted since last Friday. I actually haven’t been doing much blogstalking this week, so I’m not sure how this is going to go this week. But I do have a few valid reasons for my decreased blogging/blogstalking:

1. I was traveling for work all week. I still haven’t figured out how to make blogstalking a billable expense. 

2. When I did have free time on the interweb, I spent most of it watching this video. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop watching it. 

3. Due to an unfortunate incident, Kate’s laptop is no longer with us. Not only does it have an earthquake fault line running from the top of the monitor to the bottom, but it also has contracted the blue screen of death. So Kate’s blogstalking has decreased 100%.

Sorry about the poor picture quality. The late laptop is the one that has our photo software on it, so this picture is brought to you by my iPhone. Awesome.

They just don’t make ‘em like they used to. HP/Apple/Dell…if you’re listening…we’re a laptop down over here. Hint hint.

Alright. Enough with the excuses. Here’s what I’ve got from my limited blogstalking…

Caitlin Tipping Point is detoxing after a college-style weekend spent at the Shenandoah Apple Blossom Festival. You can find her ‘blogger gone wild’ post here. This was probably one of my favorite posts of the week. Kate and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago about what our blogs would look like if we had been food bloggers in college. Of course we didn’t have food blogs in college, because we’re old and the interweb didn’t exist back then. But we’re amazed at how healthy all of the college food bloggers are these days. My college food blog would look a whole lot like Caitlin’s Apple Blossom post. Dinner would be a large pizza and a twelve pack (insert pictures of sweet, sweet college). Late night snack would be Southern Comfort and one of my roommate’s pet goldfish (insert slightly blurry pictures). Breakfast would be served around noon and would be a 64 ounce orange Gatorade, a couple of Advil, and leftover pizza crust from the night before (insert picture of the pizza box in the garbage can, and me rescuing the discarded crust). Oh, the memories.

Kath has spent the last few days freaking out about a snake that she found in her garage. Now, I’ve got no problem with her freaking out about a snake. I’m not a fan of snakes. My beef is with the snake’s name. Those of you who have wandered off of the home page may have noticed that our dog son’s name is Gilbert. Then Kath goes and names her garage snake Gilbert too. This is not cool at all. There is only room for one Gilbert in Charlotte blogland, and he is covered in fur. I expressed my concern to Kath and she said she’d stop talking about Gilbert the snake if I came over and removed it from their garage. I actually considered it for a good 30 seconds, but then I thought that even if I got rid of the snake, there would probably be a KERF post about me removing the snake and it would be Gilbert this and Gilbert that all over again. I just can’t win. Doesn’t the snake have a middle name or something that we can call him instead? Maybe I’ll start a petition to get his name changed. Nah, I’ll just read some more blogs instead.

Heather at Heat the Salmon Butt made some purple cauliflower in this post. I did not know that things existed in nature in that color. I was giving Crayola all the credit for bright ass purple (it can only be found in the big box of crayons). Good to know. I doubt I’d like the cauliflower, but I do appreciate the color. I like foods where I can correctly identify the color. I’m not very good with colors. Another way to say that would be to say that I’m sort of color blind, but that makes it sound like it’s a big deal, so I prefer to say that I’m not good with colors. Most people don’t know that about me until I completely mess up the color of something and they look at me like I’m stupid. I’ll usually say something like, pass me the green peppers. They’ll look at me, and then pass me the peppers which are most likely red. I can usually just blame it on the wine. But with this cauliflower, I am 100% sure of the color, so maybe I should give it a try. Who am I kidding…I’m not going to eat cauliflower. 

It was an exciting week for Jenn at Eating Bender. Not only did she finish 90 days of P90X, but she also got engaged to Bobby. You can read all about it (and be the eleventy billionth person to comment) here. It was a pretty solid proposal story. I’m not really picky when it comes to proposal stories. All I really want is:

1. A creative way of proposing
2. No mention of ‘heart’ and ’skipping a beat’ in the description

Jenn and Bobby succeeded on both fronts. He proposed on the golf course. I was going to comment on the post, but thought better of it. Everyone was saying things like “oh, that’s so romantic” and “that ring is beautiful.” My comment was going to be something like “what courses do you recommend in Chicago? And congrats on qualifying for state your sophomore year of high school.” I decided against it. But seriously - Bender, if you can get me on Medinah you should let me know. Oh, and congrats to you and Bobby.

K-Dizzle at K’s Good Eats had an entertaining week. Her name probably isn’t really K-Dizzle, but I couldn’t get an official name (other than K) so we’re going to go with K-Dizzle until I hear otherwise. Actually, that’s probably going to stick even if I find out what her real name is. Anyway, K-Dizzle made some greek yogurt parfaits in this post that actually looked really good. I don’t think I really like greek yogurt. It’s sort of a game at our house. Kate buys it. I make smartass comments about her buying it, then she somehow finds ways to sneak it into my food and then doesn’t tell me until I eat it. Nothing makes her happier than sneaking things into my food without me knowing it. It’s all fun and games unless she decides to poison me, Law and Order Criminal Intent-style. K-Dizzle is a fan of Law and Order, so she knows what I’m talking about. 

Stock Up

Computer Sales - Well, not yet. But I doubt Kate is going to make it anyone week without a blog reading machine 

Seizure-Inducing Font Colors - Bites and Bowls is one of my favorite blogs, but if Kelsey continues with these font colors, she should include a warning label for pregnant women and the elderly. Sorry Kelsey…Matt made me write that. 

Personification of Food Box Picture People - I’ve seen an uptick of food bloggers referring to the people either named or pictured on food packaging as if they are friends or family. See Arnold and his bread, Annie and her mac & cheese, Bob and his rolled oats, etc.

Half Marathons - Congrats to Rose, her lobsters, her placemats, and all of the other food bloggers who recently completed a half.

Stock Down

Spam Comments on my blog - I still get a few. Mostly from some random ass weight loss company trying to sell some kind of super colon blow weight loss product, but I haven’t been getting as many as usual. What happened to the Viagra spam comments? Do y’all not like me anymore? Number of comments is Kate’s only metric for determining blog popularity (More Comments = More popular blog). I want my wife to think this is a successful blog…so bring it.

Swine Flu Hysteria - I didn’t see anyone wearing masks at the airport this week. And The Today Show went a full segment without talking about it. So maybe we’re done with the flu. Or maybe it was because Tripp Palin and his baby mama were on with Matt Lauer. Or are we done freaking out about this global pandemic now? That was fast. 

Jillian’s Devil Shred - That was so last month

Alright. That’s all for this week. We’ll try to do better next time.