The BlogStalker

Hi Friends,

Sorry that I’ve been slacking lately. I don’t really remember why I didn’t blog last Friday. I’m sure I had an excellent excuse at some point, but I can’t think of it right now. I feel like I’ve already paid the price for taking the week off, as I was assaulted on Twitter yesterday by my blogger friends. So sorry about that. I should be able to stick with my one post/week schedule in the future. I’m going to be traveling for work for the next month or so, and that will give me plenty of blogging time. There’s only so much hotel HBO that I can watch in the downtime. Who knows, I might even have time to update my other blog at some point.

So Kate and I went to see Food Inc. a couple of weeks ago. In other news, I haven’t eaten meat in the past 2 weeks. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m a vegetarian now. Especially since I don’t really eat vegetables. I’m sure I’ll go back to eating good meat at some point, but will make informed decisions when I do. It wasn’t really a conscious thing to not eat meat…for the past two weeks, every time I’ve seen meat I’ve sort of thrown up in my mouth a little bit. It  reminds me of undergrad when you’d have a rough Friday/Saturday night that ends with a  conversation with a toilet and a spinning bedroom ceiling.  And then wake up the next morning and see the almost empty bottle on the coffee table and the thought of drinking again makes your stomach hurt. So that’s me and meat right now. Not eating meat has led to some interesting meal decisions, especially since I don’t really like vegetables. Lots of brinner. I think I became the first person in company history to expense a dinner at Waffle House. I’m classy like that.

A little more on Food Inc. It has moved into my list of “Top 5 Really Good Movies that I didn’t enjoy watching at all” which is sometimes referred to as the Schindler’s List List. Not really the feel good buddy pic of the Summer, but worth seeing fo sho. I like lists like this. There’s also the “Songs that should not be played at a strip club” list (I think Tears in Heaven is at the top of that one). There’s also the list of bands/musicians whose music I really like and whose fans I really hate. Oh, and Kate came up with an awesome new list game - scan the gate area before boarding a plane and rank the people that you don’t want to sit next to on the upcoming flight.  Although I have an uncanny ability of ending up next to the person who I ranked in the #1 spot. Eating fried chicken in the middle seat is not okay.

Alright. Just about time for the blog review. No free shiz this week, so the #1 spot is up for grabs. I received some constructive criticism last time I blogged. Leah noted that I talk about the same 5-10 blogs all the time and suggested that I talk about at least one new blog every post. I think that’s a good idea. So I’ll write about Leah’s blog in the #1 spot and then talk about everyone who gave me shit on Twitter yesterday for not blogging. And I’ll try to pick one newbie every week. Thank you Leah…here’s your request, and dedication.

Leah from Leftovers for Lunch made some oatmeal in this post. Fun thing about this blog…if you look at it in Google Chrome or Firefox, the pictures are huge, stretchy, and sort of trippy. It kind of looks like the Black Hole Sun video. There’s my token 90s reference for this post. It looks like Leah had all of the requisite Oatmeal toppings at her disposal. I flew home last night and didn’t remember that I was out of my essential oatmeal toppings (butterscotch chips and heath toffee bits o’ crackle). Between my lack of oatmeal toppings, Hoda being on vacation, and Suze Orman yelling at me on The Today Show, it has been a rough morning. Hopefully it’ll be a good episode of Days of Our Lives today to turn my day around. Only time will tell.

Caitlin Pancake was the first person to yell at me on Twitter last night, so she gets the second spot on this week’s round-up. Caitlin mentioned in this post that she’s working on the final draft of a book proposal and sending it to her agent. I swear…all of these bloggers make me feel like a complete slacker. Book deal? Agent? I can’t even get a post up on a weekly basis. Not to mention my other blog, which I have completely neglected. I guess I could just print out one of my posts and take it to Kinko’s for them to put one of those little spiral spines on it. My posts are long enough that one could be considered a book. But then I’d need to find an agent. Maybe Gilbert is available. Speaking of Gilbert….HTP ended her post by claiming that Maggie is the cutest dog in the world. Maggie is a good looking bitch, but I’m partial to Gilbert, and his future wife, Penny. Please chime in on who you think is the cutest dog. Even if you don’t vote for Gilbert, at least I’ll end up with a bunch of comments and feel popular.

Lobster Rose was the second person to send out a Twitter amber alert yesterday about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Rose played with her food in this post and this post. She is quite the food artist. Not only does her oatmeal cat really look like a cat, but it also relates to the rest of the post (how she found a stray cat, etc). I like to play with my food, but never get more creative then the classic raisin smily face. Usually by the time I make it to the freezer to get my red box of lunch, I’m ready to eat. I often make my smart ones decision based on the estimated cooking time. If the three cheese baked ziti takes four minutes, I’ll likely choose the cheese pizza that only takes three and a half minutes. It’s also super annoying when the meals require removal of the plastic film, then stirring, then more cooking. It’s not like I’m Ina Garten or something…I don’t have time for this additional stirring and plastic film replacement. But Rose does some incredible work with her food art.

The Daily Balance was the next twitterer to ask about my whereabouts, so she gets the next spot. Hmm, looks like it’s one of those blogs where the blogger doesn’t reveal her first name. So I guess I’ll have to make one up. Hmm, let’s go with Six. No real reason, except that she was my favorite character on Blossom. So Six at The Daily Balance does a fashion recap on Fridays where people send in pictures of what they are wearing. I think I should submit a picture of what I’m wearing. Today we’ve got:

Navy Blue T-Shirt: Purchased at 2004 Memphis in May BBQ Festival
Blue Mesh Shorts: Purchased at Nike Outlet Store in 2002
Flip Flops - Purchased in 2006. Haven’t been able to find any size 15s since.
Handbag: Plastic bag from Harris Teeter - used for cleaning up after Gilbert on his daily walk.

I’m sort of a fashion icon. And the songbird of my generation.

Whit at Whit’s Getting Fit also thought that the blogstalker was dead, so she gets the next spot. I think she could send this tomato to the coney island freak show. I think it’s a tomato. It sort of looks like a tomato that is preggers with a chili pepper baby on board. I’m starting to think that there’s something in the water here in Charlotte. The lead story on our local news was about a five-legged puppy. There is currently a custody battle going on between an animal lover and the coney island freak show guy. I think I’ll use our water filter from now on, just to be safe. And yes, this is really the top story on the Charlotte news. A couple of weeks ago they led with the shocking investigative report that showed that a pawn shop owner was selling stolen merchandise. No shit? That’s news? Haven’t these people ever watched Law and Order before? The dead person’s stolen stuff always ends up at a pawn shop.

Last to ask about my whereabouts was AliJag at Green Dog Wine. Don’t make the mistake that I made. Green Dog Wine is not the name of a winery, so you’re wasting your time if you scan the aisles at Trader Joes looking for a bottle of the  Green Dog Wine 2005 Pinot. It doesn’t exist. She just likes green things, dogs, and wine. Ali had some of the funniest blog pictures in this post. Nobody has ever put a baby on my desk. If they did, I think I would spend my time trying to train him to say the things that the baby says on the E*Trade commercials. Hmm, maybe that’s why nobody asks me to babysit. I usually don’t like commercials or shows with talking babies or dogs, but this one is an exception.

Stock Up

Stray Cats - The annoying animals, not the rockabilly band fronted by Brian Setzer.

Blueberries - They are so hot right now. They have taken over the #1 fruit spot from cherries.

Dark Chocolate - Yes please.

BlogHer Attendance - I didn’t get an invite this year. Boo on that. Maybe there will be a BlogHim sometime. A boy can dream.

Sliced Bread - Take that, sandwich thins, pita pockets, and tortillas. Don’t call it a comeback.

Stock Down

Lunchables - Do they still make these? I doubt they ever expire, so they have to have some somewhere.

End of Summer - I’m not quite ready for it yet, so please refrain from saying things like “I can’t believe Summer is almost over” and I’ll just act like it’s not happening.

Martha Stewart - It’s been re-runs for like 6 weeks. Can we get some new episodes, please?

Alright. That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll try to do better next week.

Hi Friends,

Welcome back. Seems like we just talked. Now I’m back on track, so hopefully I can stick to my rigorous 1 post/week schedule. We’ll see how that goes. Hmm…trying to think of interesting things that have happened since my last post. Oh, here’s one…

Kelsey of Bites and Bowls fame is moving to a new place. She’s out of town and needed someone to help move some possessions (couch, bed, etc). This is right in my wheelhouse, as two of my greatest skills are lifting heavy things and reaching tall things, so I was more than happy to help her out. Problem is that her possessions > Size of my SUV. So this meant renting a truck. No big deal…figured I’d get the little truck and it would be fine. Turns out that they don’t rent the little trucks for in-town moves. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how that could make any sense at all. Still working on it. Anyway, I got to drive the big 16 foot yellow truck through Uptown Charlotte. During the lunch hour. When most of the roads that I needed to drive on were under construction. Or closed. Or were one way streets with the cars going in the opposite direction. Now I consider myself a pretty good driver. No accidents or speeding tickets in 13 years of driving. But I never did figure out if there’s a way to make a right turn in the big yellow truck without taking out the curb or the people that are standing on it. So I have a new-found respect for real truck drivers, and I’ll probably stop pumping my fist when I pass them (trying to get them to honk) as they have more important things to focus on, and most people grow out of that when they turn 10. Oh, and the moving was totally worth it, as Kelsey had left beer and barney butter for met at her new place. And she gave me some Great Harvest blondies that Matt made. I must say that they were every bit as good as a VeggieGirl blondie. Actually, I can’t say that, because I still haven’t tried these VG Blondies (hint) that everyone else speaks of, but these were good blondies.

In other news, Kate picked up this new shampoo at the store. She wanted me to mention that it was free with a rebate.

Sorry for the poor photo quality. If you can’t read that, it says it includes coconut milk and egg white proteins. It just so happens that I was making brinner last night and was short 1 egg from making the ideal omelette. The thought crossed my mind to supplement my eggs with some of this shampoo. I mean, it says it includes egg whites and milk, which is what I was looking for. I decided that the shampoo might include other ingredients as well, so I did not make a shampoo omelette. I’ll keep you posted if I change my mind at a future brinner.

Hmm…trying to think if anything else exciting happened this week. I think I only left the house by car one other time since the last time I blogged, so I got nothin. Guess I’ll get going with the blog review.

Jenn from Eating Bender is in Maui with Ma Bender and she’s even blogging from vacationland. This shows true dedication to the blog, something that I clearly don’t have. Now I’ve actually been pretty anti-Hawaii when people suggest it as a potential vacation spot. That’s probably an understatement. I react to the Hawaii suggestion the same way that Kate reacts when someone mentions Angelina Jolie. I don’t know what it is, but I have no urge to go to Hawaii. It’s mostly because when I hear my coworkers or friends talk about their trips to Hawaii, it seems like there’s some kind of vacation checklist - like a list of 5-7 touristy things that every mainland tourist does when they go to Hawaii. It usually goes something like “volcano, blah blah blah, luau, blah blah pig and hula dancers and fire, blah blah seven sacred somethings, blah blah oh and the pineapple at the hotel blah blah.” I’m sure there are thousands of fun things to do in Hawaii, but it seems like everyone does the same five things. So my anti-Hawaii feelings are driven by either this tourist checklist theory, or some fear that I’ll end up like one of the Real World Hawaii cast members. Either a trainwreck like Ruthie or a completely unwatchable assbag like Colin/Amaya. But then Bender did her first vacation post and I thought “hmm, Hawaii looks nice” so maybe I’m getting over it. I think it was the pizza. Anyway, thanks for changing my thoughts on this Bender.

Mark Hangry (from Hangry and Hangry, LLC) is giving away a cookbook in this post. I’m not a really big cookbook reader. For me, it’s sort of like the owner’s manual in my car. I can read through it and look at the pictures, but at the end of the day, I’ll probably just outsource the actual work. I read enough to know that I’m not capable of doing what needs to be done. But this looks like an interesting cookbook. Mr. Hangry mentions that there is a toilet paper icon next to recipes that make you go. I think restaurant menus should offer the same thing. Mark Hangry also came up with a creative entry process for joining his contest. None of this add me to your blogroll nonsense for the Hangrys. No, you have to come up with a poem about the blogger to enter. I’m a big fan of creative contest requirements like this. Links and tweets are not the only currency that we can use for contests, blogland. So please take Mr. Hangry’s lead and come up with creative rules and regs for your free shiz giveaways.

Everyone’s favorite Homegirl had a nice post about babysitting. It was one of those posts that makes you want to be a little kid again. I want to sit in a wagon and eat ice cream while someone pulls me to the park. Although that would be pretty strange at my current age and size.  She mentioned that one of the kids was going to Circus Camp, which sent me into flashback mode. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here or not, but I spent the majority of my childhood as a circus performer. You can get all of the details of my circus life in this post. I have hung up my sequins and spandex (to the delight of anyone who has their sight), but I will occasionally still juggle. Like after a few drinks at Universal Studios CityWalk when I want to show up a clown with my skills. I never miss an opportunity to show up a clown. That’s not slang…I mean a guy wearing face paint and making animal balloons. I hate clowns.

Rose from On a Lobster Placemat (my favorite blog name ever) did something interesting at the end of this post. She asked for male readers to de-lurk and introduce themselves. I proudly followed her orders and identified myself. I think men are an underrepresented group in food blog land. My working theory is that readership skews about 90/10 female. I have absolutely nothing to base this on. The only guys that comment on my blog are related to me, friends of mine, or other bloggers that I write about. So I’ll steal Rose’s idea. Male blogstalker readers, please identify yourself. Female readers, do the same thing. This way I’ll end up with lots of comments, and it’ll make this blog look popular.

In other news, I have grown increasingly jealous of Jenna from Eat, Live, Run for landing an interview for the coolest job in the world. You can read about it in this post. From what I gather, a winery in Napa is interviewing Jenna and some other people (who I’m also jealous of) for a job where they use their social media influence to promote the winery. It involves hanging out in Napa and getting paid good money to blog/tweet/post about wine. Um, yes please. At first I thought this would be the perfect job for me. I mean, I like drinking wine, I love Napa, and I sort of work in social/interactive/online stuff with my real job. Then I thought about it, and figured that it would lead to increased drogging, and that all of my tweets would probably just be quotes from Sideways - quotes that out of context could be viewed as vulgar and offensive. So I’d probably get fired. Best of luck to Jenna in landing the job, as it would be an awesome opportunity and may lead to some wine giveaways on ELR. I usually don’t enter contests, but if wine is involved, I’ll make an exception.

Stock Up

Protein Powder - Blogland is bulking up with muscles like Major League Baseball in the 1990s. This could lead to a new foodbuzz steroid policy. Let’s hope that Barney Butter doesn’t end up on the banned substances list.

Spinoff Blogs - Like Operation Beautiful and Green Monster Movement - which seem to be successful spinoffs (like Frasier). I’m having trouble keeping up one blog, so don’t expect a blogstalker spinoff anytime soon.

Blogger Meet-ups - Well, not really a trend, but we’re going to dinner with KERF, Pinky, and the C&C Blogging Factory tonight, so that counts, right?

Biking - I think it has something to do with the Tour de France.

Apple(s) - Both the technological and edible kinds. Most bloggers are getting their recommended apple a day. And those who aren’t eating their apples are playing with their iPhones or trying to win a MacBook Pro.

Stock Down

Television viewing options - I’m done with Summer re-runs. I need my housewives to return. And Jon and Kate. And 30 Rock. I could go on, but you get the idea.

The Today Show - I love my Matt and Meredith time (and Hoda and Kathie Lee) but this has been a bad week. Al is on vacation, and I don’t think Willard even did his smuckers birthday list this week.

Juicing - Our juicer is collecting dust, and Fitnessestenista had a near juicing disaster. I expect juicing to make a strong comeback in the upcoming weeks.

The Sun - I haven’t seen it yet this week. Maybe because it has been really cloudy. Or maybe because I haven’t left the house much.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. See you next Friday, and we’ll try to do better next time.

Hi Friends. Thanks for coming back. Sorry that I haven’t posted since last Friday. I actually haven’t been doing much blogstalking this week, so I’m not sure how this is going to go this week. But I do have a few valid reasons for my decreased blogging/blogstalking:

1. I was traveling for work all week. I still haven’t figured out how to make blogstalking a billable expense. 

2. When I did have free time on the interweb, I spent most of it watching this video. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop watching it. 

3. Due to an unfortunate incident, Kate’s laptop is no longer with us. Not only does it have an earthquake fault line running from the top of the monitor to the bottom, but it also has contracted the blue screen of death. So Kate’s blogstalking has decreased 100%.

Sorry about the poor picture quality. The late laptop is the one that has our photo software on it, so this picture is brought to you by my iPhone. Awesome.

They just don’t make ‘em like they used to. HP/Apple/Dell…if you’re listening…we’re a laptop down over here. Hint hint.

Alright. Enough with the excuses. Here’s what I’ve got from my limited blogstalking…

Caitlin Tipping Point is detoxing after a college-style weekend spent at the Shenandoah Apple Blossom Festival. You can find her ‘blogger gone wild’ post here. This was probably one of my favorite posts of the week. Kate and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago about what our blogs would look like if we had been food bloggers in college. Of course we didn’t have food blogs in college, because we’re old and the interweb didn’t exist back then. But we’re amazed at how healthy all of the college food bloggers are these days. My college food blog would look a whole lot like Caitlin’s Apple Blossom post. Dinner would be a large pizza and a twelve pack (insert pictures of sweet, sweet college). Late night snack would be Southern Comfort and one of my roommate’s pet goldfish (insert slightly blurry pictures). Breakfast would be served around noon and would be a 64 ounce orange Gatorade, a couple of Advil, and leftover pizza crust from the night before (insert picture of the pizza box in the garbage can, and me rescuing the discarded crust). Oh, the memories.

Kath has spent the last few days freaking out about a snake that she found in her garage. Now, I’ve got no problem with her freaking out about a snake. I’m not a fan of snakes. My beef is with the snake’s name. Those of you who have wandered off of the home page may have noticed that our dog son’s name is Gilbert. Then Kath goes and names her garage snake Gilbert too. This is not cool at all. There is only room for one Gilbert in Charlotte blogland, and he is covered in fur. I expressed my concern to Kath and she said she’d stop talking about Gilbert the snake if I came over and removed it from their garage. I actually considered it for a good 30 seconds, but then I thought that even if I got rid of the snake, there would probably be a KERF post about me removing the snake and it would be Gilbert this and Gilbert that all over again. I just can’t win. Doesn’t the snake have a middle name or something that we can call him instead? Maybe I’ll start a petition to get his name changed. Nah, I’ll just read some more blogs instead.

Heather at Heat the Salmon Butt made some purple cauliflower in this post. I did not know that things existed in nature in that color. I was giving Crayola all the credit for bright ass purple (it can only be found in the big box of crayons). Good to know. I doubt I’d like the cauliflower, but I do appreciate the color. I like foods where I can correctly identify the color. I’m not very good with colors. Another way to say that would be to say that I’m sort of color blind, but that makes it sound like it’s a big deal, so I prefer to say that I’m not good with colors. Most people don’t know that about me until I completely mess up the color of something and they look at me like I’m stupid. I’ll usually say something like, pass me the green peppers. They’ll look at me, and then pass me the peppers which are most likely red. I can usually just blame it on the wine. But with this cauliflower, I am 100% sure of the color, so maybe I should give it a try. Who am I kidding…I’m not going to eat cauliflower. 

It was an exciting week for Jenn at Eating Bender. Not only did she finish 90 days of P90X, but she also got engaged to Bobby. You can read all about it (and be the eleventy billionth person to comment) here. It was a pretty solid proposal story. I’m not really picky when it comes to proposal stories. All I really want is:

1. A creative way of proposing
2. No mention of ‘heart’ and ’skipping a beat’ in the description

Jenn and Bobby succeeded on both fronts. He proposed on the golf course. I was going to comment on the post, but thought better of it. Everyone was saying things like “oh, that’s so romantic” and “that ring is beautiful.” My comment was going to be something like “what courses do you recommend in Chicago? And congrats on qualifying for state your sophomore year of high school.” I decided against it. But seriously - Bender, if you can get me on Medinah you should let me know. Oh, and congrats to you and Bobby.

K-Dizzle at K’s Good Eats had an entertaining week. Her name probably isn’t really K-Dizzle, but I couldn’t get an official name (other than K) so we’re going to go with K-Dizzle until I hear otherwise. Actually, that’s probably going to stick even if I find out what her real name is. Anyway, K-Dizzle made some greek yogurt parfaits in this post that actually looked really good. I don’t think I really like greek yogurt. It’s sort of a game at our house. Kate buys it. I make smartass comments about her buying it, then she somehow finds ways to sneak it into my food and then doesn’t tell me until I eat it. Nothing makes her happier than sneaking things into my food without me knowing it. It’s all fun and games unless she decides to poison me, Law and Order Criminal Intent-style. K-Dizzle is a fan of Law and Order, so she knows what I’m talking about. 

Stock Up

Computer Sales - Well, not yet. But I doubt Kate is going to make it anyone week without a blog reading machine 

Seizure-Inducing Font Colors - Bites and Bowls is one of my favorite blogs, but if Kelsey continues with these font colors, she should include a warning label for pregnant women and the elderly. Sorry Kelsey…Matt made me write that. 

Personification of Food Box Picture People - I’ve seen an uptick of food bloggers referring to the people either named or pictured on food packaging as if they are friends or family. See Arnold and his bread, Annie and her mac & cheese, Bob and his rolled oats, etc.

Half Marathons - Congrats to Rose, her lobsters, her placemats, and all of the other food bloggers who recently completed a half.

Stock Down

Spam Comments on my blog - I still get a few. Mostly from some random ass weight loss company trying to sell some kind of super colon blow weight loss product, but I haven’t been getting as many as usual. What happened to the Viagra spam comments? Do y’all not like me anymore? Number of comments is Kate’s only metric for determining blog popularity (More Comments = More popular blog). I want my wife to think this is a successful blog…so bring it.

Swine Flu Hysteria - I didn’t see anyone wearing masks at the airport this week. And The Today Show went a full segment without talking about it. So maybe we’re done with the flu. Or maybe it was because Tripp Palin and his baby mama were on with Matt Lauer. Or are we done freaking out about this global pandemic now? That was fast. 

Jillian’s Devil Shred - That was so last month

Alright. That’s all for this week. We’ll try to do better next time.

Note: This was originally posted at http://yourselfinfiveyears.blogspot.com/

Greetings, and welcome to the second weekly food blog roundup. Thanks for coming back. It’s been an exciting week in Food Blog World, and I’ll do my best to take you around in the next 1000 words or so. I’ve decided to change it up a bit and go for more short reviews, instead of a handful of really long ones. We’ll see how that goes. I usually just start rambling, so that might not work. Here. We. Go.

Kelsey at Bites + Bowls had a very busy week. In addition to wearing some Flashdance-style leggings, she also tried on 17 different colors of nail polish and took about 15 inappropriate pictures of fruit and veggies. Since Kelsey doesn’t eat mammal, there is usually fruit and/or veggies with every meal. This means three opportunities per day for phallic fruit and veggie placement. Oh, and she also became the first food blogger to take a picture of her dirty laundry. Congrats, Kelsey. Bites and Bowls was also under attack this week by a Negative Nancy commentor. There were like five consecutive posts when the same person kept writing nastygrams about pretty much everything. So I had to put on my disguise as my blog commentor alter ego/sassy middle-aged woman (this time I was named Marge) and come to the rescue. Marge saved the day and once again stopped the advances of Negative Nancy.

VeggieGirl – I hope your VeggieCameraman/VeggieDad is feeling better. He didn’t sound too good on your last video. I could send you some Robitussin or maybe some Sucrets or something. I’m hoping it’s just a springtime cold, and not a ventilation problem in the VeggieGirl kitchen/VGTV Studios. Oh, and VeggieGirl, my blondies have not arrived yet. What does a girl have to do to get some VeggieGirl blondies? Everyone else in Blogland seems to have received their VeggieGirl Blondies, and mine are nowhere to be found. Did you lose my address already? And why doesn’t my cable package come with VeggieGirl TV? I get Starz 8 in HD and four shopping channels, but no VeggieGirl TV. That ain’t right. Time Warner - If you’re listening, can you please add VeggieGirl TV to my channel lineup?

Caitlin at Healthy Tipping Point is considering a move to Charlotte. I am 100% in favor of this move. If it helps make your decision, I’ll let you refer to me as “Replacement Meghann” after you move. I’m cool with it, really. Caitlin had the first food blog night that I could actually relate to on Saturday. It involved onion rings, watching basketball,  and drinking beers. Not just A beer, but beers plural. Then you had to ruin it by running 10 miles while listing to the Twilight Soundtrack. Why must you torment me like this? You can move here if you want, but you better leave those damn vampire friends in Florida. Caitlin also finished her 30 day shred. Finally! I was exhausted just from reading about it.

On a Lobster Placemat. Okay, so I haven’t started reading this one yet, but I really dig the name and Kate likes your blog. Most of these food blogs seem to follow a pretty consistent naming convention of [Name/Nickname] + [What I like to Do] OR [ Name + What I like to Eat] OR [Some Noun and Verb Combo]. And then out of nowhere comes this fantastic abstract blog name that I really don’t understand. This is the food blog equivalent of Pearl Jam’s “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” in a sea of one word song titles like Daughter, Jeremy, Alive, and Black. I will start reading your blog, just because of the name. And because you play with your food.

Super Caloric Chalk Dust is also a pretty fantastic blog name. I also feel like SCCD must live in one of those cities where companies  test out all of their new products before launching them across the country. That’s the only theory I can come up with, because I spend a lot of time at the grocery store, and I’ve never seen half of the products that you’ve tried this week. Doritos Collisions? Jelly Belly Pudding? Aloe Juice? Where do you find these treasures, and have they been approved by the FDA? I get scared when you go a couple of days without posting. I start to think that maybe one of these experimental/only available wherever the heck you live foods caused some significant health issue that is keeping you from your blogging responsibilities. Or maybe you just have other stuff to do.

ZestyCook – So I finally started reading this one so I have more to talk about than his beautiful bald head, but then I got sidetracked. I saw that you made a chocolate cake and used a Skor Bar as a topping. They still make Skor bars? I thought those went the way of the Rollerblade. Maybe they just started selling them in Canada and stopped U.S. distribution. Which reminds me – do they still sell Clearly Canadian in Canada? Because that stuff kicked ass. So if you can get your hands on some Clearly Canadian, you can send it my way. It would go really well with VeggieGirl’s blondies (which should totally be here by now).

The Fitnessista got a shout-out in one of her favorite (and my favorite) magazines this week – Glamour. My favorite part of Glamour (and Cosmo) is taking their little quizzes. It always comes back with results like “you really need to work on pleasing your man” or “you are a strong independent woman.” I’m starting to think that maybe those quizzes aren’t designed for men who are just killing time at the grocery store checkout. Anyway, Fitnessista’s Glamour quote had something to do with healthy living and loving your body. I didn’t really read it. But I did see that she said something about doing Zumba. Kate and I tried doing Zumba once in South Beach with my Uncle Joe and Aunt Rolando. It was not pretty. My uncles were Zumba professionals and we were not.  I think Kate and I were both two entire songs behind the rest of the class. I also like Fitnessista because Kate can’t even come close to pronouncing her blog’s name correctly. So I like to ask Kate what she’s looking at (while I know she’s looking at Fitnessista) just to hear the pronunciation.  Kate’s version includes about 12 S’s and 6 I’s.

Matt at Brew and Bake just posted his 7th step in his how to home brew series. 7 steps and we can’t even drink the beer yet! I’ve decided that if anything takes more than three steps to explain, I’m probably just going to buy it instead. Or, I’ll just hang out in Matt’s garage when he gets to the ‘bottling’ step. And when he goes in to type out his blog post, I’ll just take the beer. Probably shouldn’t have written that plan down – there goes the element of surprise.

Stock Up/Stock Down – With Commentary. Sometimes.

Stock Up

Green Smoothies – Yeah, somebody thought it was a good idea to put spinach or kale in a smoothie. I’m sure it’s pretty healthy. It’s been a great weight loss tool for me. No, I haven’t tried one of these, but Kate has jumped on the bandwagon, and every time I see the post-Green Smoothie Blender in my kitchen I start to throw up in my mouth and skip my next meal. Thanks ladies!

Kombucha – So it costs like $3.50 and tastes like garbage water…what’s not to love? Oh, and it’s the only drink I’ve found that still doesn’t taste good, even after you mix it with alcohol.

April Fools Jokes – Seriously… saying you ate something fried or had fast food is not enough. Ladies, this is your one day out of the year when you can lie and nobody can get mad at you. Go out on more of a limb. Next year I’m expecting a food blogger to say they were coked out with Lindsay Lohan or huffed gasoline for breakfast with an Olson twin. 

Breakfast Cookies - I stopped getting excited when I found it they weren’t talking about Oreos

Stock Down

Pistachio Nuts - This latest recall hit the food blogging community very hard. We’re going to pull through this. I promise.

Exercise-related injuries - Everyone seems to be magically healed now.

30 Day Shred – Level II - That was so last week.

Using the terms ’sammie’ and ‘brekkie’ - Specifically for sandwich and breakfast. Actually stock is way up on these two. I just really want it to stop. So I thought maybe putting them in the stock down category would lead to their demise - at least on this side of the Atlantic.

That’s all for this week. I should be back next Friday. Give me a couple weeks and this food blog roundup will have its own blog. It’ll probably have a weekly long post and then some shorter stuff on a daily basis. The new design will be fun, flirty, and feminine with a spunky edge. Not really. I actually just stole that from a food blog.  A free VeggieGirl blondie to the first person who can tell me where I stole that last line. I’m lying about the blondie too, but curious if anyone can name that blog. 

Alright, time to go.  See y’all next week.